Question - if I saw that your child had some very definite autistic traits and that you were struggling with their behaviour, would you want me to say something to you even if I was just a see you for five minutes a day acquaintance?
Hmmm..... at the time I might find it a bit challenging but maybe later I would be grateful.
Sometimes having a stranger confirming something that you have been worrying about for a while can be really hard.
honestly, if someone said that to me, i would be very angry at first, possible not speak to/avoid them, but it would get me thinking more about my childs behaviour, and possibly try get a more professional opinion.
Hmmm thats a hard one. I think I prefer you didn't say it unless i asked your opinion. I think it could be confronting and awkward for you both. Yes I also see that your advice may help in the end, but like every piece of advice I think its best if its asked for IYKWIM?
Maybe instead of saying 'hey I've noticed autistic tendencies' you could say 'hey, when my daughter did that I found it helpful to do this'. Leave it to the Mum to put it together later if that makes sense.
Could you bring up the topic by asking a little about the behaviours that you see? Maybe try and start a conversation about it, as opposed to straight out saying "I've noticed this..."
I think it would be very hard to hear at first, but down the track if it was what prompted me to seek further advice and information I would eventually be grateful. Good luck hun.
Hmm, the mum in question is also good friends with someone I've known for 12 years, maybe I should say something to them because they could get away with it more. It's just that being a mum of an ASD kid I know the earlier you get intervention the better for the child in question. I understand the need for tact with the mum and respecting her feelings, but it's the kids needs and feelings I'm focusing on more. At the moment she's very obviously frustrated and tired, but if he does have ASD he's in hell where even his own family isn't safe and "get" him IYKWIM.
You know what, Im going against the "rip you a new one" & am goign to say as long as your approach it the right way she could be very thankful. Don't be accusing or judging. If it was me (& I tend to ask the inappropriate questions all the time) I would say something like, "Hey, please forgive me if I am crossing a line, but I wonder if you have considered {child} could have a ASD?" Of even just ask if he does? But quickly follow it up with your own experience with your child & maybe throw in some reason for asking, like you know of a playgroup she might like to attend or can she recommend her pead? something that makes her feel you are just taking an interest as you are in the same boat. KWIM?
as a five minute a day acquaintance i'd possibly near tear you a new one!
no offence, but no one wants to be told their child is anything but perfect, especially by someone that doesn't know them, and the reaction is most likely going to be a big F you, you don't know my kid (from nearly everyone i know, you would get this - it happened a LOT when mum, as and FDC carer, would mention stuff to parents - and she had the kids for long periods of time)
if you believe this to be the case with someone you know, can you change the dynamic of your relationship so that you're not "only" a five minute a day acquaintance? so that you have spent more time with mum and child? mum may be aware that something isn't quite right, may even be investigating - but if you're only a five minute a day acquaintance, it's not something you can really broach with any sort of - ummm - can't think how to say it - but for it to come across as respectful and concerned, kwim?
I certainly wouldn't rip you a new one. I would be a little taken back but would appreciate you honesty and concern.
Perhaps just talking about your own ASD experience a little first, so she knows that you are sensitive and aren't trying to insult. I'm sure she has her suspicions anyway.
After all, ASD kids are perfect too and I challenge anyone to tell me differently.
I would be making a few play dates with the kinder aged ones and invited them to stay as well. This way she will be able to get to know you and your child but also see how you deal with ASD. She might have questions in her mind but is to scared to voice them.
If you know of a good playgroup that would help next time she says something tell her about it and let her know how much it helped you.
All the best as you decide your next step
When my sister told me there was something not quite right about my 18 month olds' development, I was shocked, in denial, and somewhat put out that she dared suggest it (and my sister is a very sensitive, loving person and also a Special Ed teacher).
Having said that, I would still mention something to the Mum, keeping in mind that she probably won't like hearing it/talking about it. If my sister hadn't said anything, I wouldn't have been looking into early intervention by the time DD turned 2 and she wouldn't have made the progress she's made over the years.
So I'd raise it in private in a sensitive way and be prepared to back off if she doesn't want to hear it. If the Mum isn't ready to hear it, then it may plant a thought that may come back to her a little later on. If she has already thought about it, she'll probably say that and no harm's done. If the Mum is ready to hear it and hadn't thought of it and then investigates further to see if early intervention is necessary, it will help the child and the family in the long run.
If it was me I don't think I'd mind. Specially if you used your own experience with your DD.
I guess though, if the mum doesn't have even a little inkling or understanding of any forms of the spectrum she may take it the wrong way. But sometimes all it takes is for someone to say something and that little light bulb goes off!
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Do I say something??
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