Teni, I agree with forshelby, she is spot on, no need for an apology.

What you have been through as a parent in loosing Ianto can absolutely be regarded as the downside to parenting. Your answer yesterday was a very honest one and although it may be painful to read, nothing could compare with the pain you have been through. You have a right to share. When I read your post yesterday I was very moved. Like a raw shot of pain from a place I never knew existed in my heart. I was also impressed that you put it out there and that you continue to talk about what you went though. Your experience is a reality for a lot of parents out there and deserves remembrance.

As for the OP question, I think it is a very good one to ponder, especially if you are someone who likes to be prepared. Thinking that parenting is going to be a piece of cake and all sunshine and roses could lead to a very rude reality check when your baby arrives and all you have done is prepare for the birth. Going in with eyes open to the realities, good and bad can be very wise. What is good about posing this question here, to a range of mothers is that there are a range of responses, and some common experiences. Everyone talks about how things will change but unless you have specific examples, it is hard to grasp exactly how they will affect you. Maybe some of the responses will inspire you to have some discussions with your Dh before you get pregnant about how you will both work the reality of having a baby.

I know that for me, it is the relationship with my DH that has been the downside. I have been amazed and sometimes quite angry at how he fails to engage, get involved and assist in the parenting. I feel a real lack of support from him and that has been a real challenge for me. It has affected our relationship and I do mourn the way we got along before kids. The good thing is that he is finding it easier to get involved as the girls get older so I figure it can only improve but I wish I knew I would practically be raising these kids single handedly before we began this journey so I could have negotiated a better system!