Teni - I just want to add that no apology is neccesary. Your raw anguish is nothing to be ashamed of, or sorry for. Your post took my breath away, and my heart hurts for you, honey. Nobody should ever have to say goodbye to their precious baby. You have every right to feel the way you do, and I know I can't speak for everyone but................ I don't think anyone here would blame you for having a moment once in a while. You're an incredibly strong woman, and you inspire me in ways I can't even explain. I wish there was something I could do to take the pain away.