We tried an incontinence nurse but dd didn't respond to her very well. Dd knew what to do she just had trouble with getting timing right because she had been holding on too long and had problems with leakage. We ended up seeing a nutritionist who changed over her diet she was great and dd listened to her and reminded me if she had the wrong foods. Our gp ended up being helpful too in swapping over the meds, he was great in handling dd without making her feel bad. We had issues with staff wanting to help clean up too, which is part of the reason dd took so long to get over it as she was scared of having an accident she would leave it too long up go and the cycle would continue. It improved for her once the staff member left but it still took a year to recover properly. It might help if you give your pre kinder information flyers they need to change tactics and support you both.