A few things work for us here. I believe respect and co-operation are earned and learned. I speak like I expect to be spoken to, because that is what I expect from her.

We have a set of rules on the fridge and every person in the house, be it daddy, mummy, Nate or Darcy are required to follow them. We chose them together and in agreeance so they aren't absurd or too difficult.

She always gets an option. Either you do this or this but there is no other option. Still gives her control. There are consequences and they usually involve time out where i can see her, but where nothing else is, like the corner in front of the laundry.

We have used a star chart with good effect. The end result is a lovely experience like a milkshake out with mummy on her own or a trip to the park/pool.

Routines are big here too. They know what comes next within reason. They also know what is expected and where the boundaries are.

Totally agree with Marcellus on the eating thing too. We really noticed a difference when we cut back on colours and preservatives. It's really not that hard to do for such a big result.

Don't get me wrong, we still have major paddys her and I, but they aren't really common any more.