123 Magic might be something that works well for your family. I have a 2 yr old and don't need to use it but i have done the course as i work in early childhood and have seen it being used really well by quite a few families.
It is a behaviour management model that can be really successful if both parents are on board with it and prepared to do it properly. You can hire it from libraries or buy it and it works better if you can have it presented at a parenting course or similiar.
The basic principle is to tell your child what it is that you don't want them to do. I the behaviour continues you remain calm and say "thats 1"if they do it again "thats 2"and if you get to 3 it's time out. They get one minute for their age however time out doesn't start until they are rational. Time out doesn't have to be in a specific place and if you send them to their room and they play it doesn't really matter because they are having time out for their behaviour and you are still in control.
There is heaps more to it though and you really need to watch the dvds to fully understand it. Some of the advice is fairly outdated but the general idea of it does promote respect.
Being consistant with any form of behaviour management is the number one most important thing. I also think that you need to be prepared to go through a rough few days while the children get used to any new system