I think we are doing our children a disservice...

[Rouge]

By not getting them to do more chores around the house.

Out of most of my friends (including school parents) DD does the most. And I realised tonight she could be doing more.

Not only do they each have to clean up all areas of their own belongings, but they are also expected to keep their rooms tidy, put away their own clothes. And sometimes DD will even fold her own.

DD will put away the dishes from the dishwasher, DS will take out the recycling. DD even does a bit of weeding here and there. But generally if I'm doing something they do a lot. Whether it's lift out the vacuum cleaner, or set the table or even take the clothes out of the dryer and put them in the basket to be folded they pull their weight.

I realised this tonight as DD asked if she could peel the potatoes and chop them up. Sure I thought. And then I realised that when I was her age I was washing dishes, drying up, putting away, folding clothes, sorting them for mum to put them in the washing machine. I'd sweep outside, rake leaves, dust, take out the rubbish etc It didn't break me, in fact it lead me (I believe) to be a good housekeeper. Sure I probably whinged at the time, but I think it was more to do with how I was asked to help than anything. Both my kids have always been willing, and when we are done we actually get to spend quality time with each other and they now see this as a pay off in a positive way. If I had to do it all myself they wouldn't get to spend time with me. DD has even said to me before "I know this is hard for me now, but you do a 100 times what I do and I will have to one day too." So she gets that it's not unfair. She actually sees it as completely fair.

I also instill independence in my children. They dress themselves, they are responsible for laying out their own clothes. DD has started doing her own hair. She also runs her own shower (we taught her) and will sometimes run a bath for her brother if I'm busy with dinner. They even grab the cereal themselves and make their own breakfast on school days. They can do it, they enjoy it and they need to learn, so why shouldn't they?

So why is it that most people do everything for their children and have such a hard time giving them independence and teaching them the necessities of life? They live in the house and therefore IMO they should contribute in their own way.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this?

I often wonder given how hands on we are as parents in comparison to our parents (when it comes to interaction and play) and the fact that most parents do everything these days it's no wonder some houses aren't as spick and span as say generations before us. And no I'm not saying your house needs to be perfect, but I know so many people who struggle with day to day life and would be happier if they didn't.

[Tinks]

I couldn't agree more.

I'm in the middle of cooking tea, will come back later to add more.

[Oorki Galoorki]

I think it is very important they do their share..
my kids are mostly independant too relative to their age (3 and almost 5).. their rooms are their responsibility as is getting there stuff out of the living areas. they definatley can dress them selves and mostly choose what they wear..
at this point they dont help with cutting any foods but do help to get goods that are needed for dinner from the fridge or cupboards.

i had no form of housework ethos instilled in me as a child(our house was disgusting.. well the parents house is still a pig sty) so i like my kids helping(most of the time) in maintaining the house. I am not anal about tidiness but we all help out.

[Shanti]

I also agree with this. In parenting, we need to help set up our children to be independent, how to care for themselves in the big wide world...... by teaching them independence through helping with household chores, then we really are doing the best thing for our kids. I was reading a book recently that mentioned this in it and it gave me alot of thought about it all.

We provide DD with the security of co-sleeping, cuddles whenever she needs/wants them etc.... yet also teaching her small bits of independence along the way such as helping me bring in the laundry, folding her clothes/nappies, teaching her to help us put her dirty plate to Daddy so he can wash it etc..... and she LOVES helping!

[mrsmac]

As a teacher I couldn't agree more!!
This year in my kindy class (5 yr olds) I have a couple who are so babied they cannot do ANYTHING for themselves and not even clearly ask someone else to do it either! I have one boy who just says "jumper" and looks all babyish.... um no !! If you ask me properly I will help you take it off and show you how to do it but not like that when English is your only language and you are not speech impaired!
Some of mine can't even put their reading folder in a box each morning their mum's do it.
Sorry- rant over, it just frustrates me that we are creating a wave of helpless children who cannot do anything for themselves.

[Floweryfields]

As a teacher I couldn't agree more!!
This year in my kindy class (5 yr olds) I have a couple who are so babied they cannot do ANYTHING for themselves and not even clearly ask someone else to do it either! I have one boy who just says "jumper" and looks all babyish.... um no !! If you ask me properly I will help you take it off and show you how to do it but not like that when English is your only language and you are not speech impaired!
Some of mine can't even put their reading folder in a box each morning their mum's do it.
Sorry- rant over, it just frustrates me that we are creating a wave of helpless children who cannot do anything for themselves.

Yep, this is the kind of thing I am talking about, it is NOT too much to expect a 5 year old to be capable of putting away their backpack, lunchbox, hanging up their hat. And they should be able to try to put on their own shoes and jumpers, etc. We teach them these skills, but they should be things being taught at home. 5 year olds aren't babies.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I think you're right on the mark! DH told me about a girl he grew up with, who had never done any housework or cooking in her life - her Mum had always done it. When she got married, it took her husband all of a month to send her back home and tell her to learn how to be useful around the house Sounds horribly chauvinist, but he was pulling in a good wage, they lived very comfortably, she didn't have to work at all, yet she didn't have the knowledge of even the most basic housework. She came back after 2 weeks and they were both much happier

How else are kids going to learn to one day live on their own, and look after their own families, if they've never had to do it?

[briggsy's girl]

thinking about this while we were making dinner just now (home made pizza) - DD was sitting in her high chair, involved in what was going on. yeah, she is way too young to help, but she was still involved. when we were putting things away, she was responsible for closing the fridge after Daddy put the stuff away. She then went and grabbed her drink cup and took it back to the kitchen. it's all small stuff but it's a start!

i think there are some parents who take it too far and expect their kids to do everything (they slack off while their kids do it all) but it's a great start to real life to have expectations. DH and I mostly work together to do everything, and i would hope DD sees that as the way it should be.

[Traveller]

home made pizza is my personal favourite for teaching the kids to cook. Scones are another good one, they can really get stuck in and eat their creation at the end. Cutting the scones into animal shapes makes it even more fun.

Picking up their toys is the first chore I teach my kids. They love it, and my boys have so much fun tidying their bedroom then showing me the result. I have to say they are much tidier than I was as their age, but they do earn pocket money for their efforts.

[Lulu]

It's not only the helplessness, it's the expectation that someone else will do things for them when they get older. I was gobsmacked when I stayed at a friends place and his 17yr old didn't lift a finger the entire week. Had his washing done, folded and put in his room *vomit and seemed completely unable to serve his own dinner when it was made. He just stood in the kichen till someone did it for him *more vomit.

I ripped his dad a new one, and he just shrugged and said he didn't mind.

[ElleJay]

My DS isn't at the age for chores just yet, but (and I'm not lying here) DS actually helps me with changing his nappy. He'll crawl to get his nappy out of the bag or packet and crawl back with it and lay down. He'll then hold onto the nappy until I need it. And he's only 9 and half months old!!
When he's older, I will be getting him to do plenty of chores. When I was younger (from 8 onwards) I cooked dinner (the basic stuff though, until I got older and learnt at cooking in school different recipes), did the dishes + dried them, did my homework, helped my brother with his, cleaned up the lounge room + the coffee table, and did just basic general tidy ups.
To me, it shows independance and willingness - Your definitely not the only one

[Diamond Girl]

In my opinion, kids should be kids. So while they are young (ie under 18) they will not 'have' to do housework unless they want to. I will expect them to clean their rooms, make their beds each day and look after their belongings. But I certainly wont be requiring them to vaccum, mop or clean bathrooms. I would like to see them wash the dishes and unload the dishwasher, but only if they choose to.

When I grew up my mum did it all. I never ironed a single shirt until the day I moved out, never cooked on my own (but did help mum in the kitchen) and had never once mopped or vaccumed. And guess what? I turned out ok. I learnt how to do it pretty quickly. My house now is very clean and well organised. I didnt become 'useless' because I didnt do these chores and I have always been very responsible for my age especially as I got my first part time job at 14 and worked my way through Uni. So I dont think my kids will be missing out.

I just want my kids to enjoy being kids, because they will be adults for such a long time. I want them to enjoy learning and playing, not worrying about housework and chores. Id rather them do 1/2hr maths practice questions than 1/2 housework. My kids will become responsible when the time comes, I know because I was. Of course once they turn 18 I will be requiring them to help around the house.

Just my opinion

[christy]

Diamond Girl, we are of similar minds. We expect our girls to help pick up their room, clean up a bit after themselves. I don't expect them to do too many household chores but if they ask to do something, I will give them a spray bottle of vinegar and ask them to clean the windows

I want my girls to understand what it takes to keep a house, but I also want them to know that its not the most important thing in life. I want them to love life, and not stress too much about how to keep the house clean.

My job, IMO, is to help them learn how to be healthy adults. To keep themselves clean and keep themselves happy. How to tie their shoes, how to brush their hair, how to laugh.... those are life lessons I want them to learn.

[Toomanytoomany]

In my opinion, kids should be kids. So while they are young (ie under 18) they will not 'have' to do housework unless they want to. I will expect them to clean their rooms, make their beds each day and look after their belongings. But I certainly wont be requiring them to vaccum, mop or clean bathrooms. I would like to see them wash the dishes and unload the dishwasher, but only if they choose to.

I'm not sure why it's not part of a kid's normal life to not take some responsibility around the house? Kids have to take responsibility for many parts of their lives... why not bit of the house maintenance as well? I'm not saying you are wrong, just wondering what your thinking is. Also, you are female and have internalised your mother's role and methods - I notice you have two boys. I wonder how their future partners will feel about your boys growing up not having to do housework unless they want to?

I don't have any choice but to get the kids to pull their weight. With both of us working full time and five kids living at home, if it were all down to me, or even me and dh, the house would be a tip. The kids have responsibility for their rooms, although I *do* help out when it gets overwhelming. Dh and I don't do dinner dishes any more - the kids all share that responsibility, unless they cook. (The chef never does the dishes in this house.) Eldest dd is responsible for her own washing (she's 19 and I think that's more than fair) and I've also started paying her for three hours' heavy cleaning a week. Between 5-6 every week day evening, it is tidy up time and the kids all get a room to put away (not that it takes the full hour, of course!). I also expect the older girls to assist me with the baby from time to time, or do the odd chore for Clare if I am busy with the baby.

They all love cooking, so helping me make dinner or do the baking isn't seen as a chore. The same with the gardening.

[Lilly-Pilly]

My kid is still a 'kid' even if she helps out around the house. Sometimes it sucks to do housework for any of us, other times we have a ball. Dancing around like idiots with the music playing and cleaning as we go isn't robbing her of her childhood at all!

Plus I like her to understand that when we help each other out (eg mum is flat out busy and has a headache and needs to get a few things done, which would be quicker and easier with a bit of a hand) that we are doing something considerate for someone else. There are times her room is a disaster and we go and clean it together and its not a chore anymore.

I've never demanded DD to pack her lunch box and get ready for school and feed her pets and make her bed... she started packing her own lunch box in prep cause she loves doing it, knows she'll like whats in it and is just that kind of kid. She's got a basket in the fridge and one in the cupboard of school snacks to pick from so its easy for her to do. And i rarely ever have to nag her to get ready for school, she just gets up and does it all

[beckoes]

Rouge: i agree totally, i was wondering, how old was you DD when she started doing somuch. DD is 2.9yrs and she does a bit, knows she has to put away some toys before she gets more out. she puts her dishes/cups in the kitchen sink when she is done with them. takes her pile of clothes to her room and sort of puts them away after i have sorted them.

My mum has a totally different idea of a parents role, she belives that its her job to do EVERYTHING for her children. my grandma had a big hand in raising me so my upbringing is a little different to my sisters, but my 14 year old sister cant cook a simple meal for her self, she actually rang me from the uk to ask me how to make pasta...she does NOTHING in relation to house work or anything and i think it really shows in the sort of person she is growing into!!!

[briggsy's girl]

i dont see anything wrong with everyone chipping in! we already encourage E to help. she has helped in the garden, she tries to help take washing to the laundry, she picks her own nappy and takes to her couch ready for changes etc. we still have to do most of it but i figure it wont hurt her to chip in a bit!22

[Traveller]

I completely agree. My oldest two have to put away their own laundry, and all the children have to clear their plates after meals and put dirty laundry in the basket. They also have to keep their rooms, and the playroom, tidy. The older boys regularly vacuum too. I stop short of getting them to do the dishes as they stack it wrong, but I will work on this with them and eventually they can do this too, but they do help me unstack it when it has finished.

I did kinda think I was a bit of a cruel mum getting them to do chores, glad I am not the only one. I think it does them good. DH could not do his own laundry when I moved in with him (aged 25) but I was doing all the housework (on a rota system) including laundry and cooking meals from 16. I'm so glad one of us could cook and clean otherwise I dread to think what our house would have looked like