I think we are doing our children a disservice...

[briggsy's girl]

thinking about this while we were making dinner just now (home made pizza) - DD was sitting in her high chair, involved in what was going on. yeah, she is way too young to help, but she was still involved. when we were putting things away, she was responsible for closing the fridge after Daddy put the stuff away. She then went and grabbed her drink cup and took it back to the kitchen. it's all small stuff but it's a start!

i think there are some parents who take it too far and expect their kids to do everything (they slack off while their kids do it all) but it's a great start to real life to have expectations. DH and I mostly work together to do everything, and i would hope DD sees that as the way it should be.

[Traveller]

home made pizza is my personal favourite for teaching the kids to cook. Scones are another good one, they can really get stuck in and eat their creation at the end. Cutting the scones into animal shapes makes it even more fun.

Picking up their toys is the first chore I teach my kids. They love it, and my boys have so much fun tidying their bedroom then showing me the result. I have to say they are much tidier than I was as their age, but they do earn pocket money for their efforts.

[Lulu]

It's not only the helplessness, it's the expectation that someone else will do things for them when they get older. I was gobsmacked when I stayed at a friends place and his 17yr old didn't lift a finger the entire week. Had his washing done, folded and put in his room *vomit and seemed completely unable to serve his own dinner when it was made. He just stood in the kichen till someone did it for him *more vomit.

I ripped his dad a new one, and he just shrugged and said he didn't mind.

[Rouge]

Thank goodness You've all made me so much happier.

Don't worry mrsmac I totally get you. Our old principal actually makes the preps carry their own bags, but once they left the gates the parents would do it

Oh Lu I'm glad you ripped him a new one, that would irritate me to no end.

And please, don't get me wrong. I understand the motivation behind it. It's all about caring for your child, and nurturing them. But y'know when they leave home and don't even know how to boil water you haven't really nurtured them have you? I commend my MIL for what she taught my husband. I know if I were not here he would keep a good house and he would also expect our children to do the same.

[ladybird11]

DD is 2.5 and we've already got her doing bits and pieces - very important stuff like mixing the cake batter, putting her and DS's bottles in the sink, packing up their toys etc.

I never had to do anything when I was a kid, and as a result it felt like although we were all related and under the same roof, we were all off on our different tangents. I think everyone pitching helps foster a team work attitude within the family unit.

I totally agree!

[butterfly_warrior]

It's something I've been VERY aware of. Coming from a slightly different angle - DH grew up with a chronically ill mother so had to do a lot around the house to help. Sam is now in the same boat - growing up with a chronically ill mother and I know that he'll have to do a lot as he gets older to help out. I simply CAN'T do as much for my child as some parents do for theirs.

Sam already loves to help unload the dishwasher. I give him the plastic stuff... if I open the cupboards for him it mostly gets put away. He's also taken to putting his own cups in the sink - completely of his own accord. He also likes to help me hang up the washing - he'll hand me the pegs. If I'm bringing it in, he'll pick up any pegs I drop and make sure they go in the bucket. Of course, he does all of this with the attention span of the 19 month old he is - it's not all that uncommon to find him wandering off through the backyard with the peg bucket or that he's taken the plastic measuring cups to the lounge room to play with them.

For me... every time I tried to cook something growing up my mother would come in and take over. It's taken me a long, long time to become comfortable and confident in my own kitchen. I don't want my kids to be like that!

BW

[thepixie]

My 2 year old is desperate to help with anything and everything - cooking, washing, cleaning folding - "me help, me help, me help". Of course she isn't a huge amount of help, but as much as I can I try to let her get involved, stuffing the washing machine or pulling things out, stirring things for cooking and she does put her toys away (sometimes). I realised today I should get her to sweep the leaves off the front verandah (which I am sure she will love) and tomorrow she is going to help me make muffins for RSPCA cupcake day. I think there should definitely more of it Rouge, we don't want our kids growing up helpless and dependent - that's not really growing up!

[~me~]

Rouge, it is so important to me that my kids know how to do things for themselves. How are they going to survive if we don't teach them. Parents seem to do so much for their kids these kids days. I worked with a girl who moved straight out of her parents home to her married home, she didn't know how to wash, cook or really just survive. It was quite sad.
I was the youngest of 6 and I had my jobs to do growing up, so I make sure the kids have jobs too.
DS1 is going to be 7 in Sept and I was talking to a couple of other Mum's at school pick up. Somehow and I can't remember how it came up, one of them asked me if DS1 can wipe his own bottom after going to the toilet, I quizzically answered yes and she replied her DS1 doesn't. She still does it for him I asked her what he did at school and she said he just didn't go.
I have another GF who has relatives that give her kids money, and not just $2 here and there, everytime they see them they get $50 or so!
I also make sure they know the value of money, DS1 has jobs and gets pocket money and when he asks for something from the shop I ask if he has enough pocket money.
Great topic Rouge!

[BekZ]

I totally agree with teaching your child to do chores. My ideal would be to have my girls leave home knowing how to cook a basic meal, wash their clothes and operate a vacuum, and manage their own money My mother is OCD and she did every thing for us children because "our way" was just not good enough. The result being me leaving home with no life skills and it took along time for me to be able to "fend" for myself properly. My 33 yo brother still can't do a thing!!! Thankfully my DH taught me how to cook and living with his family when I was younger helped. I totally loved being with his parents because they expected everyone in the family to do their bit.

In saying all of the above..How do I get my nearly 5 yo to help me regularly??!!! She simply refuses until I threaten to throw out her toys until she puts them away!!!!

[Artechim]

My nearly 3 year old has to pick up his toys in the lounge and help tidy his room. He feeds the dog most nights and helps cut up veges for tea. He dresses himself, opens his food packets etc. Basically if I think he is capable of doing something then he does it himself.

I am amazed that a 7 year old won't wipe their own bottom - DS has been wiping his since he TT at 2.5, it never occurred to me to continue doing it for him (although I do help if he is having trouble and asks).

[Lulu]

It was pretty funny (NOT), when the same dude is complaining about how lazy his son is! When I pointed out that he wasn't required to lift a finger, again he would say either but I like doing it for him, or I want it done properly.

Really - I did lotsa cooking, made up heaps of stuff for snacks etc, but the lazy turd wouldn't make himself a bloody sandwich and went hungry until his dad got home.

One thing I will do differently with these little ones is expect alot more. With my big DD I was so busy it seemed easier to do it myself. She always had to clean her room (I often helped when she was little), but when I was working f/t I just wanted to play with her.
NOW, I am teaching the little ones this first- then play. I also make it heaps of fun and part of everyday life, not a "chore" so to speak. I don't want to go through more fights like last time when I only expected DD to step up to the plate as she got older.

[Floweryfields]

See I think all of you ladies are wonderful mummies! You are raising your children by encouraging and insisting they help out! I think this extends to financial education later on too - teaching our kids to save up for things that they want and not just buying them for them, you can't teach the feeling you have when you've bought something yourself. I work with a lady who has paid for everything for her adult kids - first car, rent while at uni and she was horrified that I and others were expected to pay board while at home and earning a wage. "I couldn't expect my kids to pay to live at home' well, they will have to pay when they live away from home, you are instilling financial skills for life by encouraging them to pay their way.

[maz]

My kids have chores...nothing major buts its just one of those things that come living in a big family. I do tend to turn a blind eye to lots of things they dont do...yes im a softy but I had so many thing's I had to do as a kid I resented having to come home from school some days.

I love making work fun...eg we pump up the stereo when we vaccum, yell out commands when we have to pack stuff away, beat the timer ect.

Ive only just let Dudie get his own breakfast but I honestly prefer to do it. He showers independantly. Yes..Im one of the ones that babies a bit at home but they also know what they HAVE to do. Maybe its cause off everything my babies have been through already

[Rouge]

Ive only just let Dudie get his own breakfast but I honestly prefer to do it.

Don't get me wrong I love doing all that stuff for them too. In fact I cook them a hot breakfast before school at least once to twice a week, but I think it's more about knowing they can and they will, giving them the chance ykwim? I think you can nurture and mother your children without depriving them of the ability too iykwim?

[Olive]

DD1 often helps me dry the dishes and put them away, has been doing so for quiet a while too! today i got her to dust all the skirting boards! she loved it
i also make her carry her school bag for kinder and hang it up etc..

[MummyNaomi]

today i got her to dust all the skirting boards! she loved it

Olive, may I borrow DD? My skirting boards are VERY dusty LOL

I'll lend you my DS in return - he is fantastic at putting things away into boxes, baskets etc hehehehe

[Astrolady]

DD1 often helps me dry the dishes and put them away, has been doing so for quiet a while too! today i got her to dust all the skirting boards! she loved it
i also make her carry her school bag for kinder and hang it up etc..

I got my kids to do my skirting boards during the week as well LOL. They also loved it cause they got to play in water at the same time.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I agree, when i was younger i had so many things to do, chop wood, dishes, help cook tea etc etc, i see kids (inc my younger brothers) who don't do half of what i had to do.
DD1 helps put her toys away, she likes to help make her bed and hang out the washing (outside or on the clotheshorse) she pretends to vac and also pretends to clean... actually she did clean/dust her bookshelf the other day while i was doing it.
She's not even 2 yet so i am sure the novelty will wear off soon enough but while she's at this age and it's fun and she thinks she's helping i will encourage her to do it... maybe then when she's older i can actually relax and watch her..