Going to a single parent for 3 months

[Bengal]

Re post

[onthefly]

Oh Charlotte, I forgot of course you must be extra anxious about the pregnancy after all you went through with Hannah...? I hope his time away all goes smoothly for you

[carolinaw]

stay strong hunny. I know it's not easy, but now it's time to be his strong support and time to be dependent. It's hard at beginning, but trust yourself you can do it. In the world there are many things hard to face, though, when it happens, we all are forced to handle and accept. Hunny don't feel sad again, take care yourself and your baby and all the best to you.

[MamaPan]

sounds like it will be hard work but the other ladies have given you some great ideas... given he will be home on weekends maybe get yourselves into a routine for the weeks and hopegully they will go quickly. It can help to have a plan in the late afternoon so those hours pass well - i often invite other families over for kids dinner when my DH is away - kids love it and when they leave it is bath and bed time already!
the PP have great ideas and more experience for you.
x

[Tobily]

We went through the EXACT same thing a year ago - DH was very unhappy in his job and he was offered a better paying one back in Brisbane (where we'd lived for many years previously). We had other commitments in Toowoomba at the time, and couldn't just up and leave - so we decided he would take the job and commute home on weekends. I stayed in Tba with the children and continued to work full time. We did this for nearly five months before I was able to come back down to Brisbane and join him.

It was very hard at first. My hubs has always been very "hands on" with the kids and around the house - so I knew I was in for a rude shock as far as the amount of housework I'd have to cope with etc. But as others have said in a way there was less mess without him around LOL! And cooking was easier because he's pretty picky and the kids and I aren't - so there were plenty of nights we could just eat whatever when if he'd been home dinner would have been more of a stress.

I also found parenting generally a bit easier - because there was only one parent and ONE set of rules. There was no more kids playing us off against eachother - what I said was law, because there was no higher court of appeal! That was good...until we were all under the same roof again and for months the kids wouldn't listen to a word he said. Still having issues with that even now, where we didn't before.

If you've got family around they can be invaluable...make sure everyone knows what's happening and you'll find support from the most unlikely places sometimes.

In the end, I found strength I didn't know I had. I found I *could* actually cope with taking two kids grocery shopping at once because I HAD to. DH really noticed how much more self reliant I'd become once we moved back down here. And that was a HUGE positive, I think.

Good luck, you can do it

[fromscratch]

My DH is ex Army and was away for quite long stretches at a time mostly for 6+month at a time.

For the first day I always cried.
Ds was only little and he'd always spend the day hugging me and making me feel better (he might have been 16months or so)
Then by 5pm or so I'd suck it up and start a routine.
You will find your groove. Just have to set yourself a routine and everything will work out fine.
I promise!

Last large stint away dc were 8years old and 1year old.

Try to organise your OB visits for Saturdays when dh is home.

Tobily it's so true. Parenting here is still my way or the highway even though dh is no longer full time ADF. What I say go's. Poor dh often complains the kids don't listen to him.....Just quietly though I think it has a lot to do with the fact dads a push over and never follows through.
True too, you do find inner strength and almost power in yourself and your abilities.

All the best

P.S A final thought that is helpful for the kids (I don't like it though) is video calling. The kids love it. I don't usually cause I'm trying to do two things at once. The kids always call at bed time if he's in range. When he's not in range which is quite often we will all sit around the computer and type him an email. The kids love that as well.

[Phteven]

My DH is away Tuesday to Thursday every week at a minimum. Sometimes this stretches to the weekend and then into the next week making it about 10 days or more.
TBH now I've got into the routine and so have the boys I think that it's tougher on DH than it is on us. Once I adapted I've discovered that really there are benfits to have a part-time DH.

It's much easier keeping the house clean without DH in it. It's not just that he's messy but he also complains when I tidy that it's only a tiny bit messy so it can wait and of course after a few tiny messes are left to wait they become a big mess.
Also there is room in our bed for 3 to sleep comfortably but 4 is a squeeze so when DH is home I end up having to move to a DS's bed if the boys decide to get into our bed.
I don't have to justify watching TV shows like Wife Swap and Next Top Model
The boys really enjoy using skype and they also know how to ring him using my phone so they can stay in touch during the week.

[Gigi]

i don't know the history of your last pregnancy, but you sound scared to me, and i'm guessing you need the support of other adults around you, so you can get thru this pregnancy, cos this time you're pregnant with a toddler as well, let alone the pregnancy itself. You sound like you either don't drive, or can't due to illhealth, or maybe your dh will take the family car and you'll be carless for taht period, and i get that, cos without being able to drive places, that takes away alot of independence.

I would let all your friends and relatives know the score (if your dh DOES get the job), so that for those three months, you have
= visits from them (if that's what would make you feel better, e.g people visiting at tea time so you have help when your LO turns into a ferret, help with bath and bed time - whatever is the "hardest" time of the day for you.
= regular playdates with people who have an extra baby car seat to take you and your LO to a park, or come to yours, if no extra car seat.
= either people who can collect your grocery shopping for you, or online grocery shopping if you live somewhere that has that service
= people to take you to, and be with you for your scans, or look after your toddler during the scan
= people to bring you freezable meals

Speak up, let those around you know what you actually need (i have just put random suggestions, only you know exactly what you need).

They may just surprise you, and step up. or not. but at least you will have tried.

Try to get yourself Skye familiar etc, before dh goes, so you have that avenue to keep in touch.

Thinking of being a single mum terrified me too, and now i am one. And we survive. But yes, it is different, being pregnant with a toddler as well. (plus i drive and that makes such a difference to my independence as a single mum).

good luck hon.