Hi everyone, thanks for all your respones.

I found that when I do feed-play-feed-sleep, the second feed doesn't make her fall asleep anymore and she just wants to hang on to my boob. And I spend my life sitting around holding her. It's like being back at the newborn stage! And I'm still feeding her at least every 3 hours cos her weight gain hasn't been great.

I did try getting her first nap in really early, and I think that helped. Have also established a regular pre-bed and pre-nap routine. I think that helps too. The pre-bed routine is bath, massage, story, curtains closed, wrap, feed, bed. The pre-nap routine is curtains closed, wrap, cuddle for a couple of mins, bed.

I didn't want to be a routine mum either and wanted to just go with the flow, but am finding that she seems to like getting to bed earlier, like 6:30, which makes it hard for DH to be home in time for the bath.

The biggest change though is that I'm not even trying to feed her to sleep anymore. That just wasn't working anymore, cos she finishes and still isn't asleep.

So I (skim) read a couple of books: No Cry Sleep Solution and Baby Whisperer. And I've been shh-patting her to sleep (Baby Whisperer). That feels awful and DD hates it. She basically cries until she's exhausted and sometimes that can take upto 2 hours. I have to keep reminding myself that that was how long she cried when we walk her to sleep too. But I feel like an awful mum cos she cries so much, so hard and so long. She's gone hoarse and coos & smiles less now. I don't think she's sleeping that much more either. It feels like controlled crying, except I'm holding her. Sometimes she only cries a few seconds, but she still cries to sleep. And now she starts crying sometimes when I pick her up and walk past the cot.

I'm so confused. It feels so wrong, and so far removed from the baby-wearing, baby-led hippy mum I intended to be. But I think I have to teach her how to self-soothe?

This method feels like doing such a poor job at settling her that she just has to learn how to settle herself. Shh-pat just doesn't measure up to boob in mouth for comfort factor. But I think I need to stick with it for at least a week to give it a chance? I just hope she's not scarred by all the crying.

Thanks again for all your suggestions. It really helped.