I was always making ds1 say sorry till he started kindy and his teacher doesn't make them say sorry she makes them do something to make it better as they usually don't know why they are saying sorry :-( and it makes total sense.
Maybe just leave her and not give her the attention when she does something?
I explain to dd2 what the problem was and why it made the other person or me sad. Usually once I explain that she offers the apology herself and offers cuddles. If she's upset I take her away from the situation to calm down then do the explanation.
I try to model the behaviour I want, so always use please when asking them to do something and saying sorry or apologizing if I've done something wrong. I don't believe in trying to be right all the time because it's just not possible.
Of course some days none of this works and we all end up in a screaming heap :-/ manners will come eventually I've found. I try to be consistent and I even get compliments in public now for their manners.
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
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i remember hearing, that child development wise, kids only are capable of empathy, from about the age of 6 or 7. Not sure i agree with this 100%, as bilby has been empathetic (not in everything, but when other people get hurt for example) from a younger age.
Saying sorry is big to me, after being raised by parents who NEVER apologised for anything, and then having a partner who could NEVER say sorry, even if ten people saw him purposefully do something wrong, he would always make a joke about it, instead of apologising.
I find compassion is more important to me than saying sorry, KWIM? I am more interested in the girls finding out if someone is ok than saying sorry to them. It can be very socially awkward though, I do understand.
This morning Natalie (5.5yo) had a meltdown because she told me she wanted something and I insisted she ask me using her manners and she wouldn't. I didn't give her what she wanted. We sat down and I asked why she wouldn't ask me nicely. She replied that she was scared.
It's fascinating really. I have obviously really put her on the spot, embarrassed her or made the situation more tense than I needed to (and I acknowledge, I could've been a lot more polite to her as well - I have been very tired and fed up the last couple of days). It's a really hard balance to find, wanting your child to be considerate in the way they treat others and at the same time showing consideration to your child who really doesn't have the capacity to understand many social situations.
Good luck with it, mate. Hopefully you find something that works for you all.
A huge thank you to everyone who replied....I realized I've been doing some f this parenting stuff wrong
Going to sit down with DH to nut out a plan of attack
Last edited by Olive; July 14th, 2012 at 04:04 PM.
O- because you are concerned that means your doing things right. Finding out info, talking to people and hearing others experiences are the right things to do. Awesome mummy
Sent from my Galaxy with the barefoot princess covering me in kisses, so please forgive the mistakes
what Heaven said - there's no right or wrong, just what works and what doesn't (and unfortunately that can change like the wind!) for each individual child.
Like the others have said, no right or wrong, but lots of ways of parenting. Its what I love about BB, I come here and there are always a wealth of information from mummas. I know I do some things very very differently to other mums, and it works for me but wouldn't work for others.
Gosh I have learnt a lot here too just reading all the responses and that Janet Lansbury blog but hun you are not doing anything wrong, as PP's mentioned, there is NO right or wrong, just different approaches and we shift the way we approach stuff all the time if it's not working. Hope you find something that will work better hun xoxox
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