How We Teach Children Their Gender Roles: An interesting story (long)

[deletedit]

You can't give both your kids the same name!

They're not wrong on baby clothes though ... they only come in boy and girl. We like to err on the side of neutral, and there's blue with trains, pink with butterflies, and even yellow is creeping into the girl's domain now. Green is the last bastion of neutrality - we have our lump wearing a green onesie with a large label saying "BABY" (in case you can't tell) and a teddy bear on it.

It doesn't work in the long term though, my eldest is the girliest girl of girlness and I didn't do a thing to encourage it. Although climbing trees in your frilly pink dress because you refuse to wear jeans does result in a lot of torn clothes and bleeding legs. She thinks all boys have short hair and all girls have long hair - and conveniently ignores that her mother, father, stepfather, and grandmother violate this prime directive.

[Floweryfields]

I don't think there's anything wrong with allowing girls to be girly and boys boyy if that is what they want to though is there?

[Bathsheba]

But do children really have a choice when so many people treat them differently from the moment they are born? I find it interesting that people want their children to be able to choose their "faith" when they grow up.... but are happy to make the gender role choice for them from day one.

I admit it: I re-inforce gender roles with my children too... but on the whole I at least aspire to neutrality. Most gender roles lay down more limitations than freedoms... and some kids especially end up really struggling with that. I'm quite relieved that my DH supports my views and isn't too much of a "blokey bloke" to admonish my sons for being sensitive and affectionate. I can be as "girly" as the next woman when i choose... but I don't need it to define who I am at all times. Unlike a neighbour of mine who never mows the lawn or is seen covered in dirt in the garden "that's my husbands job"... I mean think about it... imagine if her husband refused to change a nappy or vacuum and said "that's women's work". Hmmm

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

My son wears clothes with flowers on - he loves them. His favourite towel is hot pink. He has trains and lego and a kitchen set. His favourite tank engine is Rosie. He kisses his soft toys and is affectionate. He gets cuddles when he cries - I proudly tell other parents that if he can cry from a fall like that and blame another child who was over 10ft away at the time he'll grow up to play football for England (gets a laugh, I don't say that to DS). DS has his own jewellery. He loves dancing, especially to ABBA.

He's a boy who I treat as a child. Would I do the same to a girl? Most likely. I may limit the flowers though. DS has limited flowers. And DS loves having short hair, another child may want longer hair for hairgrips. He plays with boys and girls and has fun.

Yes, he likes cars. But so does his dad. And his mum, for that matter. He also likes musicals. Like his mum (but not his dad). He loves make-up and hairdressing. He loves looking after babies. He helps with housework. He asks to come shopping with me. He also loves trains and rolling in the mud. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Now I'm off to bake butterfly buns and play dinosaurs. You can know a child's gender and still let that child develop a non-gender-based personality!

[AliBaby]

Perfect example of this story from my DD..... DD gets my makeup brush, puts it in her stash (wherever that is) a few days later I find her brushing the dirt in the garden with it saying "pretty"! PMSL!

[Floweryfields]

You can know a child's gender and still let that child develop a non-gender-based personality!

Yes I agree.

[sneakysparkle]

thanks for posting Bath - interesting read!

Just Me - I was similarly confused with the X & Y thing! Lol

[Beach Mama]

Super interesting Bath - I agree though the X made it tricky to focus and read! I have to say it has been really interesting with a girl followed by a boy. Clothes wise, although we have always looked for colours other than pink for I, fact of the matter is that it is hard to find other stuff for her and when you just need simple day to day clothes for creche etc. pink wins out.

With J's clothes we haven't really looked for clothes that are not "boyish" I guess but that hasn't really bothered us. What has been interesting has been the fact that I has had a broad range of toys in the house since she was tiny. Cars, trains, boats, dolls, Barbies, tractors, beds, strollers, wooden houses, rolling toys etc. Her 2nd b'day gift was a train table.

When J came along we didn't really add to the toys and he got quite a few bits and peices for his b'day but nothing major. He got a bike from us and a sand table at Christmas time. Thing is he will play with more traditionally "boy" toys about 80% of the time around the house and she will play dolls and Barbies most of the time and trains with him the rest of the time. It has definitely been interesting for us to see that with both of them there is a definite case of what is born in them seeing as they have a wide variety of both types of toys around.

Gosh I've waffled on - not even sure I've made sense!!! Glad to have me back with my awesome insight ya'll??

[Indadhanu]

I still argue influence... even watching a few minutes of TV encouraging girls to play hosue and boys to play cars is enough for them to begin their own ideas about gender roles.

Also, seeing two parents, and female and a male, going about their daily business in a gender defined way is enough for kids to identify themselves as boys and doing males 'work' through play, and girls doing 'womans' work through play.