Really feel like I have failed as parent :-(

[boomba]

My boys are just out of control :-(

I have always tried to be a gentle parent with them but also give them clear boundaries. I let them explore and be kids as much as possible.

They just walk all over me...how can a 2 and a4 year old be ruling our lives like they are?
I totally lost it the other morning...I asked and asked for them to pack up the toys in their room and get dressed and stop fighting when ds2 kicked ds1 in the head. I had had enough so they both got smacks :-( I never hit them I was just so frustrated that they don't listen....have I done the wrong thing in how I raise them!
Dh has no patience so I try to be the calm one who tries to parent them as little smart people not as dumb kids. It's so disheartening..I thought I was doing the right thing with natural gentle parenting...then I see parents who are the opposite and the kids are so well behaved :-(
I just want them to be respectful and to be kinder.
I just feel like I am failing them :-(

[Calluna]

no advice, I'm living the same thing at the moment.

[nothing2lose]

Im not a "gentle parent" per se, mainly because I think kids need more structure and discipline in their formative years (along with lots of other reasons) but I can say two things...

Firstly, ALL kids are feral at some stage no matter how they are raised.

Secondly, other people's kids almost always look better behaved than our own.

You havent failed.

[boomba]

Thanks guys.
Pay boys are definitely spirited and I love that I need to learn how to parent them without squashing their spirits!
Plus it's been raining here all week so they are stir crazy :-(

I am not crafty, I don't play well with what they want to do which usually is superheroes and fighting. I just want to enjoy them :-(

[HotI]

have you read "raising your spirited child"?

[Khaleesi]

You have not failed, your awesome Mum!
I've known you for 5yrs now & i've seen you grow to be the parent you are today and i can say with all honestly you are not a failure.

Kids will fight & push the limits, but i'm sure as they get older you will see them develop into beautiful kind hearted children & it will be because you raised them right.

[Rowellen]

Sounds like you need to get them out for some exercise. Can you either take them to a playcentre or something like that or let them run wild in the muddy puddles?

I agree with N2L - other people's kids always seem to behave better than our own. Mine are definately little ferals - but only for me

I think because they are more comfortable at home they press the boundaries more freely ITMS. Drives us mums mad I know.

[boomba]

They get lots of excercise we are always running riding our bikes and exploring. They just don't listen EVER! I know it's just part of growing and learning but I am not coping :-( I want a time out too.
They fight about eating they fight about getting dressed anything I do they say no or just run off :-(
I am mentally exhausted. Everything is suffering :-(

HotI sounds interesting but how do get both parents to be on the same team? Dh just won't or can't parent like me?

I am slowly going crazy...but we desperately want another baby! I am so conflicted :-(

[misty]

Im not a "gentle parent" per se, mainly because I think kids need more structure and discipline in their formative years (along with lots of other reasons) but I can say two things...

Firstly, ALL kids are feral at some stage no matter how they are raised.

Secondly, other people's kids almost always look better behaved than our own.

You havent failed.

Yep to this.

[Lenny]

boomba - my two are much the same age as yours and honestly, there are days when they just are so full on with each other. I really do dispair sometimes. They just seem to get so intensely frustrated with each other. It's awful sometimes.

But then there are moments when they love each other so much and come running with the 'ice' when the other one falls over etc. I keep trying to emphasise those moments. (and cling to them for my own sanity). I have a friend who also has two boys the exact same age, and they hardly lay a finger on each other. It's horrible to watch my two on the ground rolling around like crazies!!

I have recently (like 2.5 weeks ago) started a VERY elaborate reward chart with Mr 4. He is now much quicker to respond and much more likely to stop when asked. This has made me a little more relaxed and i guess this rubs off on them too. Rewards charts never really worked before. This one is.

Also, i insist that we either walk or bike/scooter every afternoon. This means between 30 mins to an hour, of them not getting in each other's way, and it's usually when they are both a bit tired and grouchy, so more flare ups happen. If it is really really bad weather (You wouldn't be too familiar with that!!!) we make a very elaborate tent thing and do some TV then playtime then tv then playtime ITMS.

My Mr 2yo still naps most days too, which helps - they both wake up before 6, so it gives them a break and some wind down time.

I just bought - Taming your spirited child. It's not about taming, like we think of it, but more like helping them to fit themselves into society and be happy. Yael recommended it. I'm not half way through yet, but i'm happy to pass it on as soon as i finish it. No one book has the answers, but sometimes collecting various ideas just helps.

My Dh parents differently to me. Kids know that no two adults are the same, and they are ok with that. Just like their teachers discipline different and expect different behaviours. Kids understand that, i'm sure.

[sloane]

i agree with pp that gentle parenting doesnt mean no boundaries or no condequences. and i definitely think time out for you is essential. even if it's an hour here & there. and you do need one-on-one time with your dh. i geel that if you lose some of that connection with your partner it makes it that bit harder to parent as a team & stay on the same pahe.

i know it's no real consolation but my ds is driving me not so slowly insane - the screaming tantrums & pushing other kids. the other day i just started crying - he'd been yelling for 40mins & then hit dd because i had to feed her.

but then he is also so loving & can be so polite. it's like jeckel & hyde!

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

[boomba]

Heaven no you don't need my crazy kids thank you for offering.

See we have boundaries...well I have them and try to make the kids listen but they just ignore me and keep doing what they were asked not to do...so I give up :-(

They have times where they are so good and I am so relieved and think ok maybe I am doing something right...but that is very rare!

Its so hard being a sahm and having them 24/7 i love them but just need a break!

[Sopdet]

Boomba if I was there I'd take them in a heartbeat to give you and G a break together.

You are an amazing mum, if I can be half the mum you are then I will have had a major win!

In our family, when the kids would get feral, they'd be dropped off individually at family, one at each family member. Could you do that? Even for a few hours to give you and G a break.

[Heaven]

Hey I would be fine! I want 4 kids so i could use the practice, LOL. I won't kill them I promise