boomba - my two are much the same age as yours and honestly, there are days when they just are so full on with each other. I really do dispair sometimes. They just seem to get so intensely frustrated with each other. It's awful sometimes.

But then there are moments when they love each other so much and come running with the 'ice' when the other one falls over etc. I keep trying to emphasise those moments. (and cling to them for my own sanity). I have a friend who also has two boys the exact same age, and they hardly lay a finger on each other. It's horrible to watch my two on the ground rolling around like crazies!!

I have recently (like 2.5 weeks ago) started a VERY elaborate reward chart with Mr 4. He is now much quicker to respond and much more likely to stop when asked. This has made me a little more relaxed and i guess this rubs off on them too. Rewards charts never really worked before. This one is.

Also, i insist that we either walk or bike/scooter every afternoon. This means between 30 mins to an hour, of them not getting in each other's way, and it's usually when they are both a bit tired and grouchy, so more flare ups happen. If it is really really bad weather (You wouldn't be too familiar with that!!!) we make a very elaborate tent thing and do some TV then playtime then tv then playtime ITMS.

My Mr 2yo still naps most days too, which helps - they both wake up before 6, so it gives them a break and some wind down time.

I just bought - Taming your spirited child. It's not about taming, like we think of it, but more like helping them to fit themselves into society and be happy. Yael recommended it. I'm not half way through yet, but i'm happy to pass it on as soon as i finish it. No one book has the answers, but sometimes collecting various ideas just helps.

My Dh parents differently to me. Kids know that no two adults are the same, and they are ok with that. Just like their teachers discipline different and expect different behaviours. Kids understand that, i'm sure.