Oh Tan sweety it's these damn May babies!!! DD is exactly the same. I could have written your post word for word. Just the other day I was in tears sobbing about the type of mum I am being. I absolutely hated it and hated the way I was talking to DD. I'm a horrible mum and if Olivia won't go to time out I put her there. She does the same as Iz and throws a tantrum/cries/wants a cuddle but I stick to my guns and make her sit there for the three mintues.
I'm so sorry but I'm of no help with suggestions as I'm as lost as you are. I am going to look into the Magic 123.
PS - you need to change your ticker because there is no way our little girls are four soon!!!!
Firstly with the refusing to get off the swing etc. When DD does that I just walk off lol! Maybe not the best approach but it works. I only have to turn my back and take two steps before she comes yelling 'wait mum I'm coming'. Someone will probably tell me that is negligent but meh, its not like I'd really leave her It is just an attention thing to her and when she realises she's not going to get my attention then she quickly does as she's told.
She also went through a phase of not saying 'hello/goodbye' (mostly to my parents) and also completely ignoring people when they came over. OMG she can act like a right royal biatch when she wants to! I have sat her down a few times and explained how her behaviour makes other people feel (ie Grandma is sad and she might go home and cry because you didn't say goodbye etc). It did seem to help and although she still does it sometimes, her behaviour in this regard has improved a lot.
She doesn't do the screaming/yelling in the car etc so can't help with that except to say that this will pass, this will pass, this will pass
The 1-2-3 magic sounds interesting and I've been meaning to check it out.
Just want to say that I have a 3yo and she's very similar. Delightful sometimes and downright frustrating at others.
I don't like the kind of parent I am at times either, but I think it helps when my 'well' is not empty... KWIM? I think how I respond to a situation is very much about me rather than her. She is the same mischievous little bugger day to day, some days I chuckle and think, 'golly, what a minx!' others I tear my hair out and wish she was someone different So I really need to make sure I get time to replenish whatever it is that I need to keep me positive. Often I need to demand that (from DH). It pays off.
I struggle with her interactions with her sister - she is too overzealous most of the time, and this is my particular battle. I tend not to worry about saying hello and goodbye (even though it's embarrassing when they don't, IMO at three, social situations like that can still be a little beyond their grasp... saying 'goodbye' means that something fun is going to end. Kind of understandable to refuse to assent to that!)
I don't have a failsafe method. Bribery usually works, or distraction, withdrawing attention. Not particularly 'gentle' methods but they are all I have in my limited toolbox.
I am really hoping it's a phase. I am trying to enjoy the good stuff as much as I can.
I hope you find some sort of resolution soon. xx
'No' VERY firmly works here. Quite often needs to be repeated until she realises we're serious, but it does work. The other day I said 'no' so loudly I scared her and made her cry - she was about to investigate an open bottle of turps while I was siliconing in the bathroom
That said, we don't have any major issues here, Miss-almost-3 is just in an extremely independant stage where she has to do everything by herself, and thus is more likely to tell *us* 'NO, I do it myself'. Today she took a poop in the potty to tip into the toilet, got onto the change table to wipe her own bottom, and the only thing I was allowed to do was rinse the potty and press the flush button. When she is strong enough to turn on the taps and press the button I'm going to be redundant ...
We get most of our tantrums when she argues with her big sister.
I hear ya. I have one determined little girl who thinks she's King of the Castle. The other day she stood in the middle of the zebra crossing with her hand up at the cars shouting "stop". Thinks she's invincible.
I can't do time out. She simply wouldn't go and because of my dodgy pelvis, I can't lift her and force her to go. Nor can I carry her out of the playground when she refuses to go. I would if I could.
So what works? Leave now and you'll get a spoonful of ice cream when you get home. If you don't leave now, I'm putting your bike in the shed. Those two absolutely work.
I've also stopped trying so hard to negotiate. I think I was trying to be too gentle. One day at the playground there was a mum who had three young kids and she was just very matter of fact and it was absolutely clear who was in charge. So I often think of her and try to adopt the same no-nonsense voice and say, "come on, we're going." Not so much faffing about and trying to persuade IYKWIM.
I have noticed that DD has been slowly getting better so I live in hope
Reply With Quote
It is just an attention thing to her and when she realises she's not going to get my attention then she quickly does as she's told.
So I really need to make sure I get time to replenish whatever it is that I need to keep me positive. Often I need to demand that (from DH). It pays off.
Bookmarks