I hear you hun! DD does very similar.

Firstly with the refusing to get off the swing etc. When DD does that I just walk off lol! Maybe not the best approach but it works. I only have to turn my back and take two steps before she comes yelling 'wait mum I'm coming'. Someone will probably tell me that is negligent but meh, its not like I'd really leave her It is just an attention thing to her and when she realises she's not going to get my attention then she quickly does as she's told.

She also went through a phase of not saying 'hello/goodbye' (mostly to my parents) and also completely ignoring people when they came over. OMG she can act like a right royal biatch when she wants to! I have sat her down a few times and explained how her behaviour makes other people feel (ie Grandma is sad and she might go home and cry because you didn't say goodbye etc). It did seem to help and although she still does it sometimes, her behaviour in this regard has improved a lot.

She doesn't do the screaming/yelling in the car etc so can't help with that except to say that this will pass, this will pass, this will pass

The 1-2-3 magic sounds interesting and I've been meaning to check it out.