Thanks for your replies everyone. I have placed a hold for 123 magic at my local library. In the meantime I am finding list of ways to praise, picking my battles and going back to giving her 2 choices with a positive outcome for me. Seems to be working most of the time and now that its the weekend I should be able to rest up and kick this cough. Definitely all related to how tired I am right now as well. Thanks again xox
Tan - after a particually difficult time with DS, I sat down and wrote a list of things he needed to do and behave. It was more out of frustration and a need to see for myself what was going on but turned into a list for DS. I wrote it in simple dot points - things like 'Eating your breakfast/lunch/dinner" "Helping tidy up your toys" to "Talking politely" and "Listening when Mummy/Daddy talk to you" and then the biggies "No spitting" (yes, I don't know where he picked it up from!) etc. He absolutely loves it, surprisingly and we've seen a big turn around in his behaviour. I started out by reading it to him a few times and having a few consequences at the bottom - such as not getting to go to the park or going to his bedroom if he didn't behave. He often asks to have 'his list' read to him and he will really proudly say "I don't do that anymore" - spitting (hooray!) or "I can do that all by myself" - going to the potty and wearing knickers etc. He'll have occasional time where he will act up but I find asking "Is that on your list of things not to do?" will often snap him out of it.
I tried reward charts with him but they never worked. He is a cluely little thing and often worked out how to get the reward and still continue the bad behaviour soon afterwards. I have found - for him anyway - that the clear list of inappropiate behaviours and the possible consequences is a better deterrent for him. DH likes it because he doesn't believe in being rewarded 'for being good'. It should be something that is natural. (Don't get me started on the discussions we had about the fact that DS is only 3 but I do see his point). The list also worked with DS because he is the type of child who questions everything and his eyes the list gives a bit of meaning to everything, rather than just being told "Don't do that" if that makes sense.
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