My boy has just turned 3 and we are just coming out the other side of this. It drove me nuts and I tried everything. Some days I felt like all I did was yell and I didn't want to be that kind of mum. What worked? Nothing really, TBH it was just the passage of time. Be consistent but also choose your battles. Often if he was just getting out if control I'd just defuse the situation by pulling a funny face or laughing. Sure probably not the best solution but it stopped me wanting to explode.
We count to 3 and sit on the naughty step for about a minute, it works brilliantly. We take her and sit her down and explain why she has to sit on the naughty step in a couple of words (usually for not listening!) and then move away and do something else so she can hear us but not see us. The naughty step can be anywhere, its just a name for sitting down in a quiet spot. When her time is up we explain again while she is sitting there and then we do a kiss, cuddle and forget about it. Some days i spend what feels like ALL DAY counting! But, she very rarely actually sits on it anymore and i only have to count to 1. People are often amazed at how quickly i can get her to stop doing what she is doing, and its so simple that DF actually does it too (amazing feat really, as he never agrees with me on anything!). She knows that if she gets off the naughty step then she goes without her 'armie' that night (she plays with my arm to go to sleep, and is her most valued thing at the moment). As for actually getting her there, yes, sometimes i do have to put her there, and sometimes she does cry about it. But, do you want 1 minute of anguish and not hugging her and holding her, or do you want whole days were you feel like all you do is yell and yell at her? When the minute is up then you go and give her a big cuddle and you can both forget about it and let go of the bad feelings.
I think the biggest key has been remaining consistent, and like BR i do my best to recognise if the behaviour is from tiredness, boredom or hunger first. Good luck, i know how hard it can be with kids this age!
Oh Tan sweety it's these damn May babies!!! DD is exactly the same. I could have written your post word for word. Just the other day I was in tears sobbing about the type of mum I am being. I absolutely hated it and hated the way I was talking to DD. I'm a horrible mum and if Olivia won't go to time out I put her there. She does the same as Iz and throws a tantrum/cries/wants a cuddle but I stick to my guns and make her sit there for the three mintues.
I'm so sorry but I'm of no help with suggestions as I'm as lost as you are. I am going to look into the Magic 123.
PS - you need to change your ticker because there is no way our little girls are four soon!!!!
Firstly with the refusing to get off the swing etc. When DD does that I just walk off lol! Maybe not the best approach but it works. I only have to turn my back and take two steps before she comes yelling 'wait mum I'm coming'. Someone will probably tell me that is negligent but meh, its not like I'd really leave her It is just an attention thing to her and when she realises she's not going to get my attention then she quickly does as she's told.
She also went through a phase of not saying 'hello/goodbye' (mostly to my parents) and also completely ignoring people when they came over. OMG she can act like a right royal biatch when she wants to! I have sat her down a few times and explained how her behaviour makes other people feel (ie Grandma is sad and she might go home and cry because you didn't say goodbye etc). It did seem to help and although she still does it sometimes, her behaviour in this regard has improved a lot.
She doesn't do the screaming/yelling in the car etc so can't help with that except to say that this will pass, this will pass, this will pass
The 1-2-3 magic sounds interesting and I've been meaning to check it out.
Just want to say that I have a 3yo and she's very similar. Delightful sometimes and downright frustrating at others.
I don't like the kind of parent I am at times either, but I think it helps when my 'well' is not empty... KWIM? I think how I respond to a situation is very much about me rather than her. She is the same mischievous little bugger day to day, some days I chuckle and think, 'golly, what a minx!' others I tear my hair out and wish she was someone different So I really need to make sure I get time to replenish whatever it is that I need to keep me positive. Often I need to demand that (from DH). It pays off.
I struggle with her interactions with her sister - she is too overzealous most of the time, and this is my particular battle. I tend not to worry about saying hello and goodbye (even though it's embarrassing when they don't, IMO at three, social situations like that can still be a little beyond their grasp... saying 'goodbye' means that something fun is going to end. Kind of understandable to refuse to assent to that!)
I don't have a failsafe method. Bribery usually works, or distraction, withdrawing attention. Not particularly 'gentle' methods but they are all I have in my limited toolbox.
I am really hoping it's a phase. I am trying to enjoy the good stuff as much as I can.
I hope you find some sort of resolution soon. xx
'No' VERY firmly works here. Quite often needs to be repeated until she realises we're serious, but it does work. The other day I said 'no' so loudly I scared her and made her cry - she was about to investigate an open bottle of turps while I was siliconing in the bathroom
That said, we don't have any major issues here, Miss-almost-3 is just in an extremely independant stage where she has to do everything by herself, and thus is more likely to tell *us* 'NO, I do it myself'. Today she took a poop in the potty to tip into the toilet, got onto the change table to wipe her own bottom, and the only thing I was allowed to do was rinse the potty and press the flush button. When she is strong enough to turn on the taps and press the button I'm going to be redundant ...
We get most of our tantrums when she argues with her big sister.
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It is just an attention thing to her and when she realises she's not going to get my attention then she quickly does as she's told.
So I really need to make sure I get time to replenish whatever it is that I need to keep me positive. Often I need to demand that (from DH). It pays off.
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