I think we are doing our children a disservice...

[butterfly_warrior]

It's something I've been VERY aware of. Coming from a slightly different angle - DH grew up with a chronically ill mother so had to do a lot around the house to help. Sam is now in the same boat - growing up with a chronically ill mother and I know that he'll have to do a lot as he gets older to help out. I simply CAN'T do as much for my child as some parents do for theirs.

Sam already loves to help unload the dishwasher. I give him the plastic stuff... if I open the cupboards for him it mostly gets put away. He's also taken to putting his own cups in the sink - completely of his own accord. He also likes to help me hang up the washing - he'll hand me the pegs. If I'm bringing it in, he'll pick up any pegs I drop and make sure they go in the bucket. Of course, he does all of this with the attention span of the 19 month old he is - it's not all that uncommon to find him wandering off through the backyard with the peg bucket or that he's taken the plastic measuring cups to the lounge room to play with them.

For me... every time I tried to cook something growing up my mother would come in and take over. It's taken me a long, long time to become comfortable and confident in my own kitchen. I don't want my kids to be like that!

BW

[thepixie]

My 2 year old is desperate to help with anything and everything - cooking, washing, cleaning folding - "me help, me help, me help". Of course she isn't a huge amount of help, but as much as I can I try to let her get involved, stuffing the washing machine or pulling things out, stirring things for cooking and she does put her toys away (sometimes). I realised today I should get her to sweep the leaves off the front verandah (which I am sure she will love) and tomorrow she is going to help me make muffins for RSPCA cupcake day. I think there should definitely more of it Rouge, we don't want our kids growing up helpless and dependent - that's not really growing up!

[~me~]

Rouge, it is so important to me that my kids know how to do things for themselves. How are they going to survive if we don't teach them. Parents seem to do so much for their kids these kids days. I worked with a girl who moved straight out of her parents home to her married home, she didn't know how to wash, cook or really just survive. It was quite sad.
I was the youngest of 6 and I had my jobs to do growing up, so I make sure the kids have jobs too.
DS1 is going to be 7 in Sept and I was talking to a couple of other Mum's at school pick up. Somehow and I can't remember how it came up, one of them asked me if DS1 can wipe his own bottom after going to the toilet, I quizzically answered yes and she replied her DS1 doesn't. She still does it for him I asked her what he did at school and she said he just didn't go.
I have another GF who has relatives that give her kids money, and not just $2 here and there, everytime they see them they get $50 or so!
I also make sure they know the value of money, DS1 has jobs and gets pocket money and when he asks for something from the shop I ask if he has enough pocket money.
Great topic Rouge!

[BekZ]

I totally agree with teaching your child to do chores. My ideal would be to have my girls leave home knowing how to cook a basic meal, wash their clothes and operate a vacuum, and manage their own money My mother is OCD and she did every thing for us children because "our way" was just not good enough. The result being me leaving home with no life skills and it took along time for me to be able to "fend" for myself properly. My 33 yo brother still can't do a thing!!! Thankfully my DH taught me how to cook and living with his family when I was younger helped. I totally loved being with his parents because they expected everyone in the family to do their bit.

In saying all of the above..How do I get my nearly 5 yo to help me regularly??!!! She simply refuses until I threaten to throw out her toys until she puts them away!!!!

[Artechim]

My nearly 3 year old has to pick up his toys in the lounge and help tidy his room. He feeds the dog most nights and helps cut up veges for tea. He dresses himself, opens his food packets etc. Basically if I think he is capable of doing something then he does it himself.

I am amazed that a 7 year old won't wipe their own bottom - DS has been wiping his since he TT at 2.5, it never occurred to me to continue doing it for him (although I do help if he is having trouble and asks).

[Lulu]

It was pretty funny (NOT), when the same dude is complaining about how lazy his son is! When I pointed out that he wasn't required to lift a finger, again he would say either but I like doing it for him, or I want it done properly.

Really - I did lotsa cooking, made up heaps of stuff for snacks etc, but the lazy turd wouldn't make himself a bloody sandwich and went hungry until his dad got home.

One thing I will do differently with these little ones is expect alot more. With my big DD I was so busy it seemed easier to do it myself. She always had to clean her room (I often helped when she was little), but when I was working f/t I just wanted to play with her.
NOW, I am teaching the little ones this first- then play. I also make it heaps of fun and part of everyday life, not a "chore" so to speak. I don't want to go through more fights like last time when I only expected DD to step up to the plate as she got older.

[Floweryfields]

See I think all of you ladies are wonderful mummies! You are raising your children by encouraging and insisting they help out! I think this extends to financial education later on too - teaching our kids to save up for things that they want and not just buying them for them, you can't teach the feeling you have when you've bought something yourself. I work with a lady who has paid for everything for her adult kids - first car, rent while at uni and she was horrified that I and others were expected to pay board while at home and earning a wage. "I couldn't expect my kids to pay to live at home' well, they will have to pay when they live away from home, you are instilling financial skills for life by encouraging them to pay their way.

[maz]

My kids have chores...nothing major buts its just one of those things that come living in a big family. I do tend to turn a blind eye to lots of things they dont do...yes im a softy but I had so many thing's I had to do as a kid I resented having to come home from school some days.

I love making work fun...eg we pump up the stereo when we vaccum, yell out commands when we have to pack stuff away, beat the timer ect.

Ive only just let Dudie get his own breakfast but I honestly prefer to do it. He showers independantly. Yes..Im one of the ones that babies a bit at home but they also know what they HAVE to do. Maybe its cause off everything my babies have been through already

[Rouge]

Ive only just let Dudie get his own breakfast but I honestly prefer to do it.

Don't get me wrong I love doing all that stuff for them too. In fact I cook them a hot breakfast before school at least once to twice a week, but I think it's more about knowing they can and they will, giving them the chance ykwim? I think you can nurture and mother your children without depriving them of the ability too iykwim?

[Santosha]

Sorry, haven't read all the replies but just had to say YES! Couldn't agree more. My Mum kept an immaculate house and did EVERYTHING for us. Just because she was clean and tidy, didn't meant that I learnt to keep my own house this way. The opposite. I never learnt to pick up after myself and I still struggle with it. I'm almost surprised when I come home to find that the breakfast bowl I left in the sink is still there... it used to just disappear!

I really hope that I follow your example and manage to teach my DD the way you have yours. Great post Rouge.

[Inanna]

In my group of friends all the kids have their jobs to do - I think it is usual. We use a timer so there is a finite amount of time - each child has their jobs according to age.

My ex husband had no jobs as a kid (they had a housekeeper) & he thinks children shouldn't have to do anything. I think it's important for children to learn that we are all responsible for the house. They even help pack the lunches. I cook breakfast as it's important to me that they go to school well fuelled - I do all the washing, ironing and folding. Sometimes they will help to pair up socks etc and they all put their own clothes away.

I personally think it grows a good sense of responsibility and recognition of just how much work goes into life!

[Olive]

DD1 often helps me dry the dishes and put them away, has been doing so for quiet a while too! today i got her to dust all the skirting boards! she loved it
i also make her carry her school bag for kinder and hang it up etc..

[MummyNaomi]

today i got her to dust all the skirting boards! she loved it

Olive, may I borrow DD? My skirting boards are VERY dusty LOL

I'll lend you my DS in return - he is fantastic at putting things away into boxes, baskets etc hehehehe

[Rouge]

LZ don't worry hon I know exactly what you mean.

This is why I don't remake my kids beds after they make them, or tell them they are doing it WRONG or too slow etc. I might say "Do you want me to offer a suggestion to make it easier?" Sometimes they say yes and sometimes they say no, but often after they get frustrated they ask. But I never say anything negative, and I am sure to let them know how much I appreciate their help or let them know when they are getting better at something iykwim?

[Astrolady]

DD1 often helps me dry the dishes and put them away, has been doing so for quiet a while too! today i got her to dust all the skirting boards! she loved it
i also make her carry her school bag for kinder and hang it up etc..

I got my kids to do my skirting boards during the week as well LOL. They also loved it cause they got to play in water at the same time.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I agree, when i was younger i had so many things to do, chop wood, dishes, help cook tea etc etc, i see kids (inc my younger brothers) who don't do half of what i had to do.
DD1 helps put her toys away, she likes to help make her bed and hang out the washing (outside or on the clotheshorse) she pretends to vac and also pretends to clean... actually she did clean/dust her bookshelf the other day while i was doing it.
She's not even 2 yet so i am sure the novelty will wear off soon enough but while she's at this age and it's fun and she thinks she's helping i will encourage her to do it... maybe then when she's older i can actually relax and watch her..

[Trillian]

We live by the rule that we all live in the house, so we are all responsible for maintaining it. We are all individually responsible for our own spaces (bedrooms) and we all chip in together to do communal living areas. I will do the bathroom, kitchen and laundry myself though. I think it is vitally important that kids are encouraged to help otherwise they have zero clue on how to maintain a household when they are out on their own. Plus it teaches responsibility and they have more respect for their belongings instead of just taking it for granted that clothes magically appear in their drawers and things put themselves away and stay tidy. I just don't get these mums who do absolutely everything for their kids because we may be their mothers, but that doesn't mean that we wait on them hand and foot and do everything for them.


Plus we live on a farm so things are a bit different for us because our kids are essentially part of the family business. We all work together to mark lambs, shift sheep, cut burrs in the paddock or pick up paddy melons. DS1 will also spend a day in the shearing shed when we are shearing as a rouseabout sweeping floors, penning sheep and sorting wool. DH has even started to teach him a bit about wool classing as well. In a few years we will let him do some tractor work during sowing.

That might seem like a lot for some of you, but its not. They all understand that if everyone chips in, then the work gets done quicker and we have more time to spend doing the fun things.

[Artechim]

Trill, I would love to have some land for my kids to grow up on. We had a few acres when I was a kid and every morning I had to (depending on the time of year) make up milk for the calves and feed them, feed out hay/grass for the horses, feed the chooks/collect eggs, hand-milk the cow etc- it was great. I really loved it.
I do remember that I was doing all that during high school and my best friend didn't even make her own lunch.