Personally I think money isn't a fair factor in deciding on the number of kids you want to have. You never know what your circumstances will be in the future, things could and probably will change dramatically. Different work, more money, less money. Either way you will be able to make it work.
I used to work at the customer admissions of a zoo before the girls came along. There you get used to seeing different family sizes. But one day this bus came in, I went up thinking it must have been a school excursion, but no it was a family. Whilst I was processing the family through I remarked on the size of the family, something like wow, you have a larger family, 2adults and 6children. The father replied 'oh no dear this isnt the whole family, we have 6 more children at home!'
I was shocked and asked him how they got to do things like go to the zoo etc. He said it was easy, the eldest 6 got to go when they were younger, now its the 6 youngest turn. He went on to say that the eldest ones all had jobs and if they wanted to come on that trip with them, they just had to contribute to the costs. Sounded fair to me!
Anyhow my point is I think you would always make it work.
For us at this point in time, we are happy with our two, yes we would like one more. And from there who knows.
We have a series of factors for us, but it isnt based on money as such. At the moment I know we can handle two, We as a family arent ready for a 3rd just yet. I would love to return to work before another one came along, and right now we move aound a lot and I want to be settled before we welcome another bub into our home.
No I don't think it is selfish. I think it depends to what you want to be 'rich' in. If you want to be rich in possessions and labels and the like you probably should have less children, but if you want to be rich in love and family relationships and support then a larger family is a great option for you!
To me the things you would take away by having more children (possessions) are the things that aren't all that important to me, and the things you add (siblings to love and face life with, the support of a large family) are way more important.
Having said that I do realise that not everyone has the luxury of those options. I wouldn't say we are lucky (because it isn't luck, it is through hard work and smart decisions) but DH and I both have uni qualifications and had well paying careers so we have different options to what others have.
I think I am termed a "big" family. I have 5 children.
Had I thought about the environmental impact of such a large family I would not have consciously conceived so many children - but I did not. I just wanted a large family based solely on my own wants. Largely impacted by coming from a family of only two children largely spaced. I longed for the noisy Christmases and large extended family that I saw in other families as I grew up. So I consciously created that for my own family.
When I had my children I was married - with a high income. So if I had based my decisions solely on "personal affordability" then all was cool...
Now I am a single mother struggling very much right now to provide my kids with the life they are used to.
They all learn music which I think is not negotiable. One of my daughters is passionate about dance. My son is passionate about tai kwon do. So that alone costs $170 p/w.
I haven't had a holiday for a very long time - I would love just a week at the beach with them all! We never have take away. We are mostly vegetarian & I shop at markets for our fresh food & largely organic.
I have a large community of friends that when we all get together is kinda like the way Onyx describes her family & that to me is my "family".
I think of my friends kids as an extension of my own family. We all look out for each others kids, love them & support them. I think you can have the "big family" without actually birthing the kids yourself...
Many of my friends with one or two kids love coming to our place where they can experience the noise, bustle and negotiation (& fights!) of sibling relationships etc for their kids...
I LOVE having a big family. I LOVE the noise, the bustle, the stretch of my consciousness it takes to parent 5 very different individuals.
However, had I thought of it from an environmental perspective I wouldnt' have done it. Had I considered what it would be like for them and me if I was a single parent I wouldnt' have done it...
I know people don't like to consider it but 40% of marriages end in divorce - so there is a large percentage of you that will be one of these. It's wise to consider what that would be like. Despite all of my efforts our divorce was bitter and my ex husband won't even look at me let alone speak! It makes for a tricky situation. This is something to think about also...
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