Is it selfish to want a big family if you aren't rich?

[briggsy's girl]

i think there comes a point at which you have to balance things for yourself. firstly, you don't need to be RICH to have a large family, but i think Trillian has said it well in stating you shoudl probably consider how you would survive if you couldn't get FTB for some reason. a pay rise mid year for your partner in his job means a change to your income estimate and you can actually lose more FTB than you gain in income when you take into account what he loses in tax and what you lose in ftb as it self-adjusts to prevent overpayments at the end of the year. and you probably should consider what you would do if the government of the day decided to change what payments you're eligible for or how they're delivered.

i don't think you need to be on a high income to have a large family but i do think you need to not only think of expenses NOW, but also in the future - 5 young kids that can use each others hand me downs is very different to five teens and their clothing/food needs (not to mention their mish mash of visiting friends)

if i'm honest, theoretically i would love to have a big family. i was one of two, and would love to give DD a lot of siblings, but we've had a massive downturn in fortune in the past 18months and it's made me realise that we have to be more fiscally responsible. i guess we've been lucky in that we know NOW that there is a health issue for DH that is going to get worse as time goes by, so any family planning has to be done around my ability to earn enough to support us. yeah, short term DH might get work here and there, and help us out, but long term, i'm the one that has to support us so everything has to be planned around me working. we moved closer to my work etc just to make it more workable kwim?

[*Ang*]

If you know you can't afford a baby in what your current circumstances are (and I mean really can't afford it) then perhaps it is best to hold off and if that makes you selfish, then so be it. I don't think that it does make a person selfish, but gee, I grew up in a large family where things were really tight every week and mum was forever 'robbing Peter to pay Paul' and it sucked! It sucked having to wear shoes that had the sole coming off and holes in the toes because your other 5 brothers and sisters needed shoes before you did. I'd love to have had more kids, but I just could not in good conscience bring more children into the family knowing that things would be so tight financially. Some can, but I can't. Love might make the world go round but it doesn't stop a hungry tummy from rumbling.

Perfectly said Trillian . We all would love to have more children but at some point you have to take responsiblity for your actions and say enoughs enough we cant afford it. And like some previous posters have mentioned, its all good and well now that children are little but what happens when they get older and their expenses are alot different and a lot more expensive then now?

Like I said before, you certainly dont have to be rich BUT you do need to have some sort of financial responsibility and not just cross your fingers and pray for one powerball.

[angelaartsstudent]

I think there is a fine line.

It's not considered "right" by some to be selfish but I also am not a fan of a mother being totally and utterly miserable (depressed) and penniless becuase she is focusing so much on providing for her huge brood of children. Mum's need some stuff for themselves too, I believe. That whole "happy mum, happy baby" philosophy.