I must admit have said those words. Not in such a horrid way, more in response to people who tell me (in a slightly judgmental way) they need to just love their child and spend time with them before they have another. I think that motherhood has taught me that a human's capacity for love is not finite. Each new person that enters your love world just increases your capacity to love.
I am in awe of the sibling relationship. The way my kids reserve their extra big smiles just for each other, the way my son watches my daughters every move, in awe and wonder, learning. It is more amazing than i could have imagined and I hope it stays that way for a long time.
But if I really thought about, of course it is not the best thing you can do for your children.
Mother Theresa said the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. I think this is true. If children are in loving environment and learn respect for themselves and other, that is the best thing you can do for them.
If I was having a cup of tea with you and you were pondering whether you should have another, and it seemed like a possible thing, something you could do, I would encourage you to. If over a cuppa you said that you really couldn't do it all againi and DD was your only one, I would support that too, you will build your community around you and she will have go to people. You need to do whats right for you ultimately.
as an only child myself, i swore that i would always give my children siblings. even after suffereing a terrible pregnancy with ds, i knew i would do it once more for him.
i grew up in a home with lots of love and laughter, i had everything materially, that i could ever want. but i always wanted a sibling. even now, to not have a brother or sister to turn to, or to share things with, it's upsetting. i had a time after ds was born, that i acutally felt really depressed that he had no biological aunties or uncles on my side (i say biological, my lifelong girlfriends are all called auntie, and they do a better job than df's sisters). it may seem silly to some, but it got me down.
look, at the end of the day, each to their own, but i don't think you can say 'you can't miss what you never had' unless you have been an only child yourself. some kids love being an only child, i didn't. that's a decision you have to make for your family. but i think you also need to think about the child's later life aswell. obviosuly this is only my opinion.
I think your friend's attitude is really arrogant and narrow-minded, as a PP said. Not all family dynamics work the same.
Some only children love it, others long for playmates. Some siblings get along like a house on fire, others are complete strangers who just happen to share similar genetic material.
I have a brother. We're 3 years apart. And sadly, we have sweet stuff-all to do with each other - we're just vastly different people, we never played together as kids, we never enjoyed each others' company or looked to each other for support or anything like that. Now we're adults, we fight a lot less but we still don't really have much to do with each other - we're just two different people living very different lives (and a big part of that is that I don't approve of his lifestyle atm - he needs a good kick in the pants and to GROW UP ALREADY!), and we see each other often because he still lives with my parents and he drops by to visit the girls regularly. We love each other, but that sibling 'bond' doesn't exist.
That's just my perspective. I think the whole siblings deal might work out okay if you have kids that are the same sex, close together - my girls are nearly 2 years apart and are the cutest example of sisterly love you could wish for. They fight, they bash each other, they kiss each other and protect and run to each other for comfort, they share their toys (actually, they're not fantastic with that... hence the fighting lol), they share the same interests, their eyes just light up when they see each other in the morning and while I think having a sibling is great FOR THEM, it's also the best gift I could have given myself as they keep each other entertained and I get a bit more free time to myself!
Don't panic about doing the 'wrong' thing by your child - having a sibling isn't always the beautiful thing it's cracked up to be. It depends so much on your personal family dynamic as well as your LO's attitude to life - is she lonely, does she have a lot of playmates, do YOU have the time to spend with her now (and further, will you have that time if it's split between two kids?), etc etc. Fertility issues are always a big thing, too - what if you spend years on the IVF merry-go-round only to get no baby, and your DD suffers in the meantime because it's a very stressful, arduous and painful process for the whole family? Or would you both be happier if you accepted things as they are and worked towards alternatives to siblings like getting friendly with the neighbours and their little kids, or promised to spend more time with your MG or friends and their children, kwim?
Whatever you decide needs to be the best decision for your family, not some generic idea of what a traditional or 'appropriate' family unit should be. I really hope you don't let your ex-friend's cruel words get you down - she may have meant it from the best place possible but what she said just isn't true in a lot of cases!! Good luck to you, hun. xx
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