I'll follow this thread with interest, as we're going through the same with with DS1 (23months).

DH and I decided - as of yesterday - that we'll no longer lay down with DS1 when we put him down for his day sleep. So yesterday, he was put in bed, with his lullaby music/light to hold, and we left the room. He cried on and off for about 10 mins at his closed bedroom door (I went in to him after 5 mins, and put him back to bed) and he eventually fell asleep a few minutes later behind his door and slept for two hours .

I hate hearing DS1 cry when he's left to settle himself, but with DS2 now on the scene, it's becoming more and more impossible to stay with DS1 till he's fallen asleep. I don't love the idea of controlled crying, but something's just gotta give, because DH and I can't spend up to 60 minutes laying with him till he's fallen asleep. We're hoping that if he can settle himself during the daytime without the tears, then it will flow on to night-time sleeps. We're taking things slowly ...

And DS1 crawls into our bed at night, mostly without us being aware ... he crawls in at the bottom of the bed and quietly works his way up between us . Short of keeping DS1's door closed all night - which I'm not comfortable with, it's one thing during the day when the room's still light, but I think he'd be quite upset to encounter a closed door in the dark - I'm at a loss to "fix" this problem. Others have told me that this behaviour will eventually stop ... we can only hope.

Good luck with things, and as mentioned, I'll keep an eye on this thread for tips anyone has.