Teaching Abstinence to our children, what are your views?

[loulabelle]

I won't be teaching my kids abstinence, I think it's a recipe for disaster. I will teach them to respect themselves and to wait for the right time or person, how to cope with pressure to have sex and of course safe sex.

Another who agrees with you tinks


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk so forgive spelling mistakes

[onthefly]

i wouldndt' preach abstinence, but i would like it to be an option for my kids. Definitely respect and safety are the key things, and that means having open and frank conversations as well as trying to raise my kids with healthy self esteems.

[Feijoa Mum]

My older boys know that they can come to me or DH about everything and anything and that nothing is a taboo subject in our house.
I have been as open and honest as I can be from an early age with them even with the stuff that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable Try explaining premature ejaculation to a 10 yr old (he heard it on a radio ad)

I strongly believe that the more you know the less you need to find out. So fingers crossed they wont feel the need to experience stuff they arent ready for just because they were curious about it.

However they also know that if they do decide they want to take the next step, hopefully with someone they trust and respect, then there are condoms available no questions asked in the bathroom drawer.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I already talk to DS about abstainence - in an age-appropriate way!

However, that doesn't mean I won't talk to him about safe sex when that is more appropriate. I just want him to know from a young age that waiting until marriage isn't a bad thing.

[Traveller]

I will teach my kids abstinence as the best way to safeguard themselves against STI's, unwanted pregnancy, and the utter heartbreak of making a decision to take that step with someone only for it not to mean as much to them as it did to you. I know many couples who have managed abstinence until marriage (I was not one of them) and it has worked really well for them. I will not do what my mother did which was to try and stop me from ever having sex without explaining why (other than it is not a Christian thing to do). I do think she was coming from a good place but she avoided the issues and just let me find my own way through them.

However I will also be teaching my kids safe sex for if and when they do decide to have sex, and will be keeping a supply of condoms in an accessible safe in the house. I don't care if they use them for water balloons as long as if they do need one they can get one.

[Charlotte91]

I really don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to teaching DD abstinence. I was only with DP 2 months before I fell pregnant.
Geez, my Dad's a pastor!! Although, never lead a church he's done his 'training'.

I'll be teaching her to use a condom, as DP and I never did. Thats why DD is around.

I remember when I was 17 my sister was getting married. When my Mum found out that my sister and BIL had DTD she went off her rocker and tried to call off the wedding. I think that was mainly because they were both in YWAM, which is 'christian college/missions group'.

But I never cared what my folks thought.
I don't want DD to end up like me. Barely 19 with a 6mo..

[blessedatlast]

I'm thinking this thread proves that open communication and education is the key here, not whether you DTD younger, older, married or not.. Interesting thread PZ.

[Cranky Kitten]

I think you're right there, Blessedatlast. Most of us would agree that only teaching our kids that abstinence is the way to avoid unplanned pregnancy and STI's is irresponsible, but the flip side is that unless you homeschool them their entire lives, they are also going to be taught safe sex and contraception at school.

What they most likely WONT be taught is self respect, the value of true consent and only taking that step when they are ready, not when peer pressure, boyfriend/girlfriend, hormones or a few drinks says they're ready. That is something that we as parents have to instil in them, a sense of values and the belief that they are worthwhile.

[Heaven]

I will be encouraging abstinence because it is the best protection against babies and other STDs but I will also back that up with 'the talk' about safe sex, birth control and no means no.

Yeah that!

I'd probably try to encourage abstinence until you find someone you 100% trust... but then follow up my speech with "But if you can't, heres a condom..."
My parents preached safe sex, only with someone you love, wait as long as you can etc etc... I've only ever had sex with DH so something musta sunk in.

Same here. My mum told me it was only when you were married and in love and so I never wanted to do it before I got married. She gave me the impression she didn't do it until after she was married and I didn't want to disappoint her! Then I met DH when we were 16 and we'd been going out for a while and I was thinking about it. I remember asking mum if she has sex before she was married. She confessed she had but only with Dad and they were engaged, lol. So then I decided it was ok and I did when I was 17 but now he's my DH

So I think I might let them think I didn't do it til I was married