What do you think are acceptable reasons for not having another baby?

[widdly]

Absolutely ANY reason is an acceptable reason not to have another baby!!

Some people may label those resons as seflish, better to be selfish without another child than unselfish and unhappy with an extra child I reckon.
I think we each just need to work out where our limits are. For some those limits are close and for some those limits are far away IYKWIM.

FOr me, I hate the thoguth of never having another baby in my life, however, with my DH there is no way I will have another baby with him cause he isnt cut out or fatherhood and I dont feel it would be fair to bring another child into the world who wouldnt get all the attention it deserves rom its father, for others, the way their DH parents wouldn't even come into the decision of having another baby.

It is such a hard decision, hope you can find some peace soon x

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Tell me off if I'm wrong, but you're obviously very torn over it. Is it possible that the issue isn't having another baby, but realising that if you DON'T have another baby soon, a chapter of your life will be over? As in, you're no longer a baby-mama, you're a toddler-mama...

I mention it because a couple of friends of mine are in a similar situation - they were both in the same 'place', kids all school age etc. Then one got pregnant accidentally, and the other one was really jealous. But now that bubs here, they both say that the whole 'newborn baby' phase is something they've passed, and the one that was jealous is actually kinda happy that she didn't have another, because that part of her life is over. Not that she didn't thoroughly enjoy it at the time, but there are new things to enjoy now.

Hope that makes sense!

[Arimeh]

Tell me off if I'm wrong, but you're obviously very torn over it. Is it possible that the issue isn't having another baby, but realising that if you DON'T have another baby soon, a chapter of your life will be over? As in, you're no longer a baby-mama, you're a toddler-mama...

But thats the funny thing - I like being a toddler-mama much more than a baby-mama!! Toddlers are the absolute best, they're such a ball I love interacting with both of mine, they're a hoot (to steal the phrase )

So its not that I want another baby, I want another toddler... LOL

Marcellus - I'm not trying to convince myself or anyone else of anything.... just trying to nut out what is best for us. Sometimes its not just clear cut ya know? Both options would work for us, just have to find out what is BEST for us.

Rowellen - thanks

Trill - I'm definitely ready for the next stage - but want that next stage to be with 4 kids - ITMS? Which is why its sooooo confusing, because I want 4 kids, but not the pregnancy, birth or baby.. LOL

[onthefly]

That was kinda my point Arimeh - laying out pros and cons doesn't always help you find what's right for you.

So.... you need to clone one of your toddlers maybe?

[Rowellen]

because I want 4 kids, but not the pregnancy, birth or baby.. LOL

Maybe you could adopt. Problem solved. Sorry that's probably not very helpful.

[AnyDream]

I'd be in pain from SPD. Definitely selfish for not wanting to go through some pain for another bub.

Nope definitely not selfish. I can't think of any other human endeavours where people would willingly put themselves through months of agony.

I agree wholeheartedly with Gracious Goddess. You have to find your own place of peace with your decision and it matters to no one except yourself and your DH (weighted towards yourself ).

[Just Me]

But thats the funny thing - I like being a toddler-mama much more than a baby-mama!! Toddlers are the absolute best, they're such a ball I love interacting with both of mine, they're a hoot (to steal the phrase )

I am sooooo glad to find another person who feels like this I don't really enjoy the baby stage that much (though I feel like DD2 has helped me learn to enjoy it a lot more) and I tell people this, they look at me like there is something wrong with me. I simply adore the toddler stage. It is awesome!

Do you know, before I fell pg with this baby I wrote a thread just like this one (that I ended up deleting before I posted it) but my question was more - in spite of all my really good reasons for not having another baby, is it okay to have another one just because I want to? I don't think your reasons are selfish at all. You are just exploring how you feel and I went through exactly the same thoughts that you are going through. I couldn't make up my mind what was right. I had a whole heap of great reasons for not wanting another baby, but the difference for me was that I did think that I wanted another baby though that changed minute by minute. One minute I was so resolute that I didn't want anymore and I was done, the next minute I was crystal clear that I wanted another baby and there was no question about it.

Sorry, that post wasn't particularly helpful to you but I think it is interesting that you are wondering whether your reasons were selfish where I thought that I might be selfish for wanting another baby despite all my great reasons (fairly similar to yours) for not wanting another baby. Nature made up its mind for us, thank goodness because I have peace at last.

Good luck with your decision making because I know what you are going through and it is not an easy choice to make.

[mbear]

when do you stop? honestly..will you be happy with 4 or will you want another?

ahhh totally agree....i think we've all muttered to ourselves at 37wks pregnant or so 'this is defn the last, no way am i doing this again'....and then baby comes, baby settles in, and after a few months, we ponder again 'do we have another?'. I guess thats what Maz is saying, when is enough enough...
I think its like a rite of passage that every woman goes thru - some women get thru it really easily, they get to the other side () and are totally content with their brood, and the baby urge is no longer there. For some of us others, it takes a bit longer, it hurts, it really hurts, there maybe tears, there is a lot of reminiscing...but we will eventually get to the 'other side'.

And who are you being selifsh to hon ??? YOur not hurting anyone at the moment with those points you first mentioned. You've given your kids a great start in life - 2 siblings each child....more isnt necessarily better, more children doesnt make you anymore of a greater mum ( i know you dont think that...).
ONce youve made a decision, you wont regret it. Thats if your totally content with it. Its reaching the decision thats the hardest part....and it sounds like your in the thick of it ATM...

[Jas]

Sounds to me like you are answering your own questions here! Sounds liek its time to get buuuuuuuuuuuusssssyyy!!

[Arimeh]

Sounds to me like you are answering your own questions here! Sounds liek its time to get buuuuuuuuuuuusssssyyy!!

PMSL..

wellll... everyone will have to wait and see....

[maz]

when do you stop? honestly..will you be happy with 4 or will you want another?
Sometimes we need to draw the line and say know what I tried my best now its time to give the best to myself for the sake of the kids.
they want a healthy mum..not one who is unhappy and full of remorse.
My kids all get along so well....yep I miss not being able tohave another but hey I need to look after my temple and if it means being selfish then so be it, no more babies.

Oh..and babe. I think nearly every woman goes through the torn feeling when their baby hits 6 months