What are people's reactions when you say you are a SAHM??

[Shanti]

I love being a SAHM and am so proud of my role I love it when people ask me 'what do you do?' and I say "i'm a mum.... a 24/7 role!" and most people don't usually say anymore after that, they understand it's an important role. But I do understand what you mean, there are lots of people out there who assume or expect we can just go back to work asap after having a baby and life goes back to normal and that kids can just go to daycare etc..... well that might work for some but not all of us.
I would get annoyed initially when I was pregnant because at the time I was working in our shop (our family business, me and DH) and customers would constantly ask me "so when are you going to come back to the shop after having bub?" and I'd have to tell them "I won't be as my job will be parenting our daughter and staying home with her as that is all I've ever wanted to do is raise my babies and focus on them".... I got told by a customer once "i returned back to work after my baby was 3wks old and she would just sit in the cot next to me while i worked etc" and I just smiled and thought to myself ... well thats not me! thats why we pay staff so i don't have to be there

Don't worry what others think about SAHM's.... we know how much work is involved in raising little one's. The only one's making those comments are people who don't yet have kids and don't realise the commitment it is

[misty]

I think I have been met by every single different response possible, when I tell people that I am a SAHM. My favourite would have to be when they start justifying to 'me' about how being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world and how dedicated and fabulous I am for being a SAHM!! Like I somehow need their validation?

Or the other response I get when they find out later on that although I title myself a SAHM, I also do work for Weight Watchers and study, and then I am greeted with shock and disbelief and told "so you do work!" or some other equally baffling/disturbing/judgemental response.

Mind you having 3 young kids at home, I have found the responses to be more geared towards how busy I must be running after them all (disbelief I could have so many so close in age), which is a pleasant change to when I just had one or two kids.

I have found that most people seem to 'expect' that once your kids are around 1yr or older, that you will look at 'returning' to the workplace. It can be a very interesting conversation sometimes, when I then have to explain that I cann't 'return' to the workplace, because I have never truely been in it (from studying to mothering). And that furthermore, this was a 'choice' deliberately made by DH and myself. Everyone is shocked. Some people are logical and can understand this after they think about it. Others....well lets just just you can see their eyes glaze over and you can see the judgements forming.

I think it is human nature to want to categorise everyone. People want everyone else to fit in there little boxes that make up how they veiw the world. I (and I am sure many other SAHM's) baffle people because as soon they think they have me pegged and can safely religate me to an assigned category, they I go again messing up their percieved notion of how things actually work.

[maz]

Wait until you tell them your a WAHM who makes cloth nappies....people take a step back I kid you not
I was really shocked the first few times but ahh bugger them, my children are better of for having me work from home and so am I.

And honestly..who cares what they think, they dont walk in our shoes

[Rouge]

The irony is if you said you were a nanny no one would bat an eyelid.

[CharlieBrownGirl]

I haven't read all the replies (sorry for repeating what has already been said)

My personal experience - my Mum's goal in life was to be a SAHM. She gave up work for 'house duties' well before I was born.

My StepMum worked and her girls wished she was there for school functions etc and now they prefer to be a SAHM for their children.

I think in this day and age having both parents working is the 'norm' and almost essential to keep afloat. I would suggest the reactions you're having is perhaps jealously (for lack of a better word) they can't have the pleasure of staying at home with their children and be financially secure.

And they do say having a family is harder than any paid employment.

[fionas]

I've been in the great position of working part-time so if anyone tries to suggest to me that being a SAHM (which I will be for the foreseeable future) is an easy option, I don't hesitate to put them right and say - look, I've done both and let me tell you working is darn sight easier than staying home. Of course, there's exceptions to that. I think if you were working a very stressful job with very long hours then it would be very difficult but certainly in my job which was a professional but not high-stress position, the working day was much less exhausting than dealing with a very active toddler.

[Shanti]

and when filling out the 'occupation' section on forms, I usually put "home duties/mother" !!

[TeniBear]

and when filling out the 'occupation' section on forms, I usually put "home duties/mother" !!

I hate saying I'm unemployed because it implies I want a job - I'm "unemployed" by choice and I'm so happy to have a hubby that supports that decision So "home duties" on forms for me too and can't wait til I can answer that question with "stay at home mum"! I know I am technically, but no-one really recognises that and I'm not looking after him when it comes down to it. I'm a mum, I stay at home, but I wouldn't call myself a stay at home mum. (Does that make sense?)

[Erin_25]

I have not read the replies, in a bit of a rush....but when asked I usually just quietly say "I'm a mum" as most don't seem to care. But the other night when I went to the dentist he asked what I do & I said "just a mum". He's reply was soooo nice, something along the lines of "nothing just about that, that's a great job" ohhh made me feel good, was sooo nice.

[Rach75]

besides my SIL and MIL its generally positive but where I live most of the woman are SAHM...

my MIL has hassled me asking when I will go back to work I retired yes I prefer retired to quit when we moved here 10 years ago I did go back to work in 2005 mainly becuase we were struggling with TTC and losing so many bubs, I think my DH thought if I got out of the house I would be less depressed

my SIL can't work out how I could enjoy being at home with the kids etc...she actually said I love my son (nephew) but no way coudl I be at home with him all day

[Heaven]

Just remembered. My mum actually had someone say to her once when she'd asked about another lady 'Oh I don't know, I don't associate with SAHM types'. Little did she know my mum had been a SAHM her whole life pretty much and only started working when we were all in highschool!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF!!

[Miss.September]

I love being a SAHM.

I just wanted to write that last week I helped out at my old work while my ex-boss was on holidays. A customer came in who I knew well from work and she asked me if I was back. I told her no, staying at home, just filling in and can't wait to get back home. She replied with -

"That is just fantastic! I was a SAHM for years, didn't go back to work until my youngest was at high school."

She then told me a story about someone she worked with who wanted kids but hated the thought of staying home with them. She told me that she found it really sad that this person hadn't even experienced motherhood but had made her decision that there was no way she was staying home. I too found that to be really sad. I really feel for mums who don't have a choice and need to go back to work. But I chose to have my baby and I'm trying my hardest to stay home with her for as long as I possibly can and for as long as DH can support us on one income. So far so good.

I figure that if someone ever asks me what I do and then freaks that I am a proud SAHM, then I probably don't have anything much to say to them anyway.

Corelly x

[PollyA]

I think that when you are a mum of the stay at home or work variety people feel they have a right to have an opinion on your parenting. I am a working mum and have had several comments from close friends and family suggestiing I am not as good as a mother as friends who stay home.
DH and I share parenting and ultimately want to both work part time, Unfortunately my job means I have to work more in the next couple of years and DH stays home more. I have felt extremely judged and shed many tears. I wish we could be more supportive of fellow parents, No matter how yits done its a hard, wonderful job. Bellybelly is a lovely supportive environement and I feel happy to have found it.

[misty]

Polly - you are so right about judgement cutting both ways. SAHM or Working mum, some people choose what they want, others have no or little choice. The truth is that it is no-one else's business and they shouldn't judge. Unfortunately, people do - usually other women and usually because of their own insecurities. I think as a MUM, we do need to grow a thick skin and try not to let those judgement get to us too much.

[MummaSue]

This is such a cool thread.

I'm now a SAHM after having my baby - before that I was in a fairly stressful job.

THIS is waaaayyyy harder than the job I had. And waaaaayyyy more rewarding despite getting no $$ for it!!
There can be no monetary value put on seeing my child grow and develop each day.

And I'd argue the case for SAH Mum's any day!! Going to work is easy - plus, you get lunch breaks LOL

S X

[littlebear]

I constantly had people saying to me "when are you going back to work?" or "how long are you taking off?" etc etc... And I'd reply with "I'm not going back to work" and just get a blank stare, like how dare I! I feel there is a LOT of pressure to get back into working. And it's strange isn't it because the older generation stayed home to look after their babies, but the younger generation just expect us to go back to work. Being a SAHM is definitely a privilege and very, very hard work.

[didispunk]

I get the OH WOW.. hard job... oh and another on the way.. I am like.. yup 2 is hard work but easier then 3-4-5

[Kaydee]

I grew up with my Mother never being at home, she worked night shift so would be out the door as soon as we got home from school. It was hard and as a result (plus a few other factors) we aren't close at all. So I really appreciate being able to stay home.

DH has a great career and we feel that me being a SAHM has been a blessing as I was able to keep him on track when it came to DH completing his University degrees and take care of the household. Sure, money was tight at the beginning but we knew it would only be for a few years.

Although, Dh's friends can be really frustrating at times. Almost everytime we see them I get "What do you do all day????" grrrr.
No matter what you do with your life you will always have someone that finds something wrong with your decisions. It's just to make themselves more satisfied with their lives.