Can I ask a different question - do you have other child care options? I don't have my DD in child care but from what my friends who use CC say, the places they use are respectful of your parenting and would not use controlled crying if you did not feel comfortable with it.

If you are tied to that particular CC, maybe ask them if they'd be willing to be a bit more gentle with your DS? Give him a cuddle?

I think it'll be a bit tricky to teach DS to self-settle for day naps but not night sleeps... you might find it all or none!

Oh and definitely try Tizzie's book but I would still consider that a form of controlled crying. The other person to check out is Pinky McKay, but I don't think she does routines as such.

I really hope you can sort something out that works for all of you! Good luck!