sheyne rowley

[skeetaboat]

I was dubious when I first saw this thread pop up because of the number of rave reviews by brand new users, but have since read (some) of the book (my mum lent it to me), and so I wanted to put my two cents in..

I have found Sheyne's communication priciples really good for dealing with my toddler. He's a lot more co-operative and we have fewer tantrums because I'm communicating with him better and he knows what we're doing, what I expect, what's coming up, yada yada. I think the communication philosophy fits in well with the P.E.T stuff.

We've yet to implement the sleep stuff, because bubs is under 6 months and toddler is heading towards 3 (its recommended for 6mo-2yo). But I will give it a go with bubs when she's old enough because after 2 years of being BF'd to sleep and the last 8 months of being cuddled to sleep, the nearly-three year old still requires us to be there until he falls asleep (which we actually don't mind), and wakes up screaming if no-one is there with him (which we do mind, especiallly coz it's happening 4 times a night, and is pretty distressing for us all). It's like he can't fall asleep without us there, and I'd like to avoid that with the next bub. I have tried Sheyne's general philosphy with bub a couple of times - wrapping, rocking for a few minutes and putting her down awake, to be pleasantly surprised that it worked - 5 mins later DD is asleep (not exactly what she says to do but close enough) it never occurred to me to give her the chance to try to fall asleep on her own before, because my firstborn was so insistent on human contact to fall asleep. Other times I've found that after being put down wrapped and awake, DD will sort of talk to herself for about 10 minutes but go the other way and start to get unsettled and wriggle out of her wrap instead of settling down to sleep. I think it depends on how ready for sleep she is.. plus she's used to being fed or rocked to sleep, so I guess it's not going to work all the time at this stage and I'm really just experimenting to see what works ATM. I will give it a proper go when DD is old enough and see if it works for us.

So there's my 2 cents. If anyone has any suggestions for how to stop DS waking up screaming at this age, I'd love to hear them!

ETA: added info..

[clairekerzner]

Hi Kelly,

I guess I'm one of those inconsiderate new members- I apologise, but I didn't actually realise there was a place to introduce myself. I arrived at this thread through the sitemeter on my blog- a common search term entered into Google had brought someone there and also here, so I thought I'd check it out and contribute my experience.

Like I said before, I've tried about six other sleep books/ methods, I've talked about ALL of them and what I did and didn't get out of them, and I decided to comment on this particular thread because the Dream Baby Guide is the method that worked for us in the end.

I'll go track down the introduction thread. I came across helpful BellyBelly threads heaps of times while I was pregnant and looking for information- it's a great site.

EDITED TO ADD: I can't actually find the introduction thread. Where should I be going for that?

Claire

[amyhunz]

Maybe I should make it clear that I'm in no way professionally or personally affiliated with Sheyne. Although I think she's a nice person, I don't know her from a bar of soap!

I guess when you find a method that works for your bub it gets you excited. Like many others I did a heck of alot of reading and this method was the only one that produced consistent results that didn't involve me having a breakdown in the process.

Sorry if it seems like I'm 'pushing' her product but I'm really just expressing what worked for me :-)

I also realise that allowing a baby/ toddler to cry at all really rubs some people the wrong way. I acknowledge that everyone is different and that you will parent to what you can tolerate. I don't judge my friends that parent this way and never offer advice unless asked. I guess I saw this thread as an opportunity to provide feedback on a book that is new to the market :-)

Hope that clears things up.

[BellyBelly]

I don't have a problem with babies crying, sometimes no matter what you do, they will cry... but what I WAS concerned at, is the 90% thing, which is why I posted. I haven't put down anyone or accused anyone here. I think it's important to clarify these things, as if someone came and read it and thought, well maybe my baby is just protesting 90% of the time, maybe I should comfort him much less etc. On the internet people tend to self-diagnose, in moments of weakness be easily influenced and take stuff on desperate for answers, and I feel a sense of responsibility for making sure things are clarified and explained as best possible to avoid distressing problems.

[AliB]

Hi all

I recently wrote a detailed blog post about all the sleep solutions we tried, and what finally worked for us. If you're interested, you can find it here.

I just happened across Clarie's blog a few days ago when I was searching for information about the risks of baby going over full term - ironically I read Grace's story on your blog, and also some posts by Kelly, so I can be sure that everyone is legit!!

I'm expecting my first bub any day now. MIL gave me "Dream Baby" a few months ago and once I got sick of reading pregnancy books I started wading through the 750 page tome. It was fascinating reading I must say.

I think her methods make a HUGE amount of common sense, and she has so many rave reviews. For me reading it pre-bub, the 'sleep training' part of it is a minor element, hundreds of pages of the book are designed to develop such great communication with bub that you don't need to resort to any training, crying or otherwise. I LOVE the communication recommendations, and the 'respect' element.

I have done buckets of reading think it is very much the 'middle ground' between the parenting extremes (and I don't judge either 'extreme', only note that there are extremes of the spectrum!).

It is worth noting that Sheyne does not recommend any kind of routine management before bub is 6 months of age. But I'm really excited about being able to implement the techniques from an early age with my new bub to be and establishing the communication flow to help bub make relaxed transitions through the day. Role play with a teddy is a fab idea to in order to get bub comfortable with what's happening.

One issue that I may have is that I am very keen to go the baby led solids route. Although Sheyne does not address this directly I would imagine that that is not something she'd be keen on. No, I reflect on this and realise I'm wrong, it's not that she wouldn't be keen on it. She would say - firstly, if it works for you and bub then that is fine and don't change a thing; secondly, if it's not working for you then maybe you should look at changing it, and here's how you do it - communication, position, role play etc.

Yep I highly recommend the book, it is loooong and repetitive but just writing this post has made me realise that the theories have actually sunk in and can be used in all sorts of situations! Hopefully I will still be a fan in another 12 months time :P

Cheers

[prama]

out of curiosity, how does the book help you distinguish the different types of cries? to an untrained person even just listening, you might think the cries mean the same thing. as a new mother, at first they all sounded the same and then slowly I learnt what they meant.
but just wanted to know how the book tells you what is what?

[AliB]

Maybe somebody else can answer that, I didn't dwell on that section as I hope not to need it! But she is talking about bubs over 6 months old I think it requires having gotten to know your babies sounds and cries over time.

The main thing that I noted is that she's talking about leaving them cry for only a few minutes in any event, and coming in immediately if they are in way distressed. If you don't know your babies cries well enough then her philosophy would be, I think, assume they are distressed and do not leave them to CIO.