In regards to step-parenting, I think it would make an interesting thread to read about people's opinions and experiences but briefly; I don't think there is a hard and fast rule nor is it defined by an arbitrary amount of time or event like marriage because it isn't about just being present but being an active part. I think the only people who can make that call are the parents, child and adult in question because every situation is so unique. DP is definitely considered DD1's step-parent and we have only been together about a year (we are also not married) but the important people in DD1's life (me, her, her dad and DP) all agree and acknowledge the parent-like relationship he shares with her and have reflected as such in our parenting orders.

In this situation it doesn't sound like everyone is on the same page and I guess that makes it more complicated.