oh wow. reading this post makes me very emotional, but i'm at work so i have to hold it in. i know exactly what you're feeling hun. my doggy was 16 years old, had her since i was 5 years old. i woke up one morning and went to fill her water bowl up outside. she had lost feeling in her right side, and she was just turning around in circles on 2 legs, walking into the brick wall, bashing her head on the floor. i just dropped to my knees screaming in tears. she has no idea where she was, what she was doing, i could see the sadness in her eyes. my heart just felt like it was ripped out and crushed.

i got her into the laundry with a big fluffy blanket, called my mum and we cuddled her for about 5 hours, while hand feeding her/bottle of water. that day was the hardest day of my life so far. knowing that it was time for my little baby to go to doggy heaven. myself, DF and mum were in the room with Missy while she was put to sleep, and i wouldn't have it ANY other way. i wanted to be there with her, and i wanted her to see me for the last time. (oh god i'm crying now)

the first 2 weeks i was a wreck, i closed all the curtains as i couldn't even LOOK outside as i would just start to bawl my eyes out. i had to sleep with a light on every night. i was scared of going to sleep because i hated the silence and i knew my mind would go crazy. to this day i have still bottled it up. i'm not over it.. and it's been 3 months. i miss her everyday...

sorry that i rumbled on. i just wanted you to know you're not alone. and it's going to be really hard hun.. but it does get easier. i am so so sorry you're going through this

spend as much time as you need with your baby, and say everything that you need to say. give her a kiss on the nose for me