Firstly massive hugs BG. You've been through a lot this year!
Secondly your dd is 4.5 right? My dd sudden became so emotional at 4.5 and I thought it was because I had severe ms and couldn't really play, but then chatting to my mothers group it seems a normal phase.
Dd suddenly started crying over random things: her brothers balloon popped and she cried for him (even though he was fine). She would scream about getting her own way when before we could always talk things through. She started running off and slamming doors when upset. You get the picture.
Anyway fast forward to now and she is almost five and she is back to being delightful, easy going and able to control her emotions again.
I definitely think my pg exacerbated issues, and I am sure your mums condition has impacted your dd, but I wanted to reassure you it is a normal phase at this age too.
BG, what a time your having.
Our DD's are the same age. Miss A is going through the same things you mentioned Miss E is. I think it is a stage. I am just trying very hard to remain calm and continue things as normal.
I know that is hard for you to do as things are not normal at the moment. I think it would be harder for Miss E to stop seeing your mum. I agree with Arcadia that it will definately be impacting her but to know that her nan is sick and she can no longer see her might confuse her.
Thanks for the replies ladies - it's reassuring to know that the acting out thing is somewhat age related. I am trying so hard to balance everything. i remember being little and being so scared when my grandparents were sick because i just didn't know what was going on - mum would run off to the hospital and then talk in hush tones to dad, and it scared the bejeepers out of me. so i'm trying hard to make sure DD doesn't have that stigma about it
Mum is looking far worse this week than last - even though last week she was in critical care. DD seems to be fine while she is there, and she dotes on my mum and takes care of her - it's just that the acting out (which has really just started to get bad today) had me worried that maybe seeing mum is a bad thing.
My grandmother was sick with cancer all through my childhood. Our parents were always honest with us, but we very rarely actually saw her at her sickest. I think that's more because the relationship between my father & his parents was never a great one.
When she was in her final days, dad's brother took his 8yo DS in to see Grandma. Honestly, by that point the family wasn't impressed. Dad also advised me not to see her even though I was 19. She had no idea who anyone was & they didn't want us remembering her like that. I appreciate that.
But as she was battling cancer on & off for 17 years, there's no way to avoid us seeing her sick. It was our lives. That's all we knew of her. Sometimes she had hair, sometimes she wore a wig, sometimes a beanie with nothing under it. I don't think there was any acting out for us, because 1, we weren't that close... not as close as my kids are to my parents & 2, that was life for us. That's how we knew her.
Its possible that the acting out is her being worried about what's going on. All you can do is let her know that its ok to be worried & scared. But I certainly wouldn't stop your DD spending time with her. Especially if you're not sure just how much more time she'll get with her.
I don't have much experience with this but would seeing if there are some books you could borrow from a library to read to Miss E that might help her talk about things with help?
Wow, what a lot in such a short time. A big hug to you first off. My experience is a little different but thought I would let u know anyway. Our dd2 was stillborn at term last year and then I had a mc in feb this year. My dd1 was 2.5'at the time her sister died but she has always been a very emotionally aware child. I am preg with our third now and if I keep anything from her Or I don't take her to app she gets extremely emotional and scared that something is wrong with me or the baby. She recently had a big break down when I went and had a blood test done and she was playing at her nanas. I didn't really think about it but as I left I said to her that I would be back as soon as I was done with the tests and apparently after I left she was in tears to my mil that we were sick and dying. Later that arvo she was acting up just like you said you dd was, screaming and crying etc. I had to sit her down and explain that the tests were just to check we were all ok etc. I guess I am getting at, given that your dd has been exposed to so much that being honest and talking things through with her would probably help her as would her seeing your mum. I think if it feels right then it probably is - I believe in just keeping the lines of communication open for her and prompt her to talk about her feelings if she wants to. They may be young but they certainly are far more aware than we realise! Your doing great job in a tough situation! Xoxo
Mum was discharged this morning - we took dd to visit her every single day (usually twice a day) - for a while I was scared mum wasn't coming home. And then I knew they both needed the contact to boost them.
DD loved having granma home today. She was thrilled to be there doing normal stuff. Seeing both her grandparents together. We have been very honest with dd (more honest than we have been with mums intellectually disabled sister) and she has coped wonderfully well. We have talked through the breakdowns. Explained things mum has mentioned at an age appropriate level (ct, MRI, blood tests etc). DD has asked questions so I believe we are doing the right thing
I'm glad mum is home and things for all of is can return to a semblance of normal and we can get dd back on track emotionally. Hopefully this is the last drama for quite a while!
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