Wow, I've been so busy that I hadn't thought about how long it'd been since I'd gotten a subscription update from BellyBelly. Hi Laney! Great to hear from you and hear that everything is going well -- aside from bubben being breech of course, but that is a relatively easy problem to accept in "our world".

As far as all the new bubs -- I'm going to be honest. I'm having trouble accepting Benjamin. It's early yet so I don't think I officially have "PPD," and neither am I surprised -- my counselor and I both knew that it was going to be a challenge once Kebab became a flesh and blood baby. I feel like I've been "stuck with someone else's kid," I feel like Lori has been eliminated and been replaced with a milk machine... I admit this because it makes me feel stronger to say "Yes, even though I fought to have my baby, I'm not all bouncy and joyful and over the moon" and be able to be honest about it. I am still convinced that I will love him more than the world if I'm given time and help. Since several months back I've been pre-signed up for a program here that helps select women in the area "bond" with their new babies. I felt a little dumb taking them up on the offer, as it's possible the other moms will be 17 years old or recovering alcoholics or all kinds of other reasons that bring women to the program -- but again, I now feel like it's okay for me to say, hey, I am a person who sometimes needs lots of emotional help and I'm takin' it.

Benjamin looks just like his daddy, I believe, and I can at least say that I think THAT is just beautiful.

One thing that no one said to me that I wish they had is that the brand-new baby can nurse so often that you can't get away to pee when you need to and that everyone will just tell you that that's normal. Or rather, they'll say "it's normal for them to eat as often as once even 2 hours" and you say "but he eats once or twice an hour, and for up to a half hour each time!" and they say "Oh, well that's normal, too." Everyone wants to come and visit and I'm like, "I haven't bothered putting a shirt on for 3 days, so perhaps I'm not ready for visitors yet."