Oh No! What have I done?!

[OutbackWoman]

Sometimes things happen at the most inconvenient moment don't they?

I hope it all works out for you hun, you have lots of options

Maybe you could go part time at Tafe?

[SiarasMummy]

Thanks everyone. I am still very unsure what to do. Yesterday I was thinking - we will figure out a way to work it out, we can cope, let's just do it. And now today I am thinking of the pregnancy, labour and all those sleepless nights and I keep thinking 'I just can't do it'!
I am going to see the doctor after the public holidays to have everything confirmed. I guess I will have more of an idea of what I want then.
Other ladies at my playgroup have recently had their second baby and there is not ONE LITTLE part of me that has thought 'aawww I would love another baby now'. I do not feel maternal at all towards this new life that I have started. But I know that I should also be grateful that I can have children, especially knowing how hard it is when you have fertility issues. Gosh, I just wish I had been a bit more careful. When you have tried naturally for over 2 years before and nothing happened, you just don't think it can happen this way. Silly me!

[Laranna]

I can't even begin to imagine the difficulty and emotion involved in making a decision like that so at the end of the day you need to do what you think is best for you and your family. I guess, you have to weigh up what you'll regret (or not regret) more.

[SiarasMummy]

Hi Everyone,
Just an update - I went to visit the Doctor two days ago, did a test at the Docs office and I am indeed pregnant. I am going to book in an ultrasound for next week to confirm dates but the Doc has estimated I am around 7.5 weeks and will be due sometime mid August.
I think I am over the shock of it all now and my Husband and I have decided to go through with the pregnancy. I thought I was only 4 weeks when I was considering a termination but now I know I am a bit further along and the baby will have a heartbeat etc, a termination really isn't an option for my anymore.
I am not EXCITED yet but we have begun telling our family and very close friends and they are all happy for us which has rubbed off on me a little and made me feel a bit better about the whole thing.
I am still going to go to school next year, I will finish at the end of the first semester, have the baby and then return to school in 2012. My daughter will be ready to start kinder by then and there is a day care at Tafe for the little one. It will be hard work but I know I can do it with some help from my family and friends.
I am just going to look on the bright side of life and be glad that I am no longer having fertility issues

Thanks to the people that replied, it is nice to be able to vent to people that are so understanding.

[~clover~]

Congratulations
I was right there in your shoes back in February. I had NO intentions of any more babies & had finally come to terms with that when we got our little suprise.
It was a battle emationally through the whole pregnancy, but now she's here I haven't looked back

[Nelle]

Congrats. Sounds like you're working on a plan, I think that always helps to get our heads around things. All the best with the pregnancy. xo

[dreamrise659]

Hi SiarasMummy,

I understand the shock when you fall pregnant by accident. I concieved my daugther (now 14yrs old) by accident whilst using contraception. When I first found out I was pregnant (when I was 8 weeks along) I was in total shock. I rang a friend as I needed to talk to someone and she said "I don't know whether to say congratulations or commiserations" and I said "I don't know either". However for me it only took a couple of weeks to feel happy about it. I never considered termination (although I believe it is every woman's right to choose I never felt it would be the right choice for me) however I did briefly consider offering the child for adoption. I discussed my thoughts with my parents who were very supportive and told me they didn't think I'd cope long term if I did adopt the child out because I would always wonder about it.

Anyway I was a student at the time and split with my daughter's father when I was 16 weeks pregnant (we had been on and off for 4 and a half years and the pregnancy made me realise that our relationship wasn't right). I was lucky in that I finished my course 4 weeks before my due date. I then started my first career job when my daughter was 5 weeks old (but it was only 2 shifts a week).

I went back to full-time study when my daughter was 2 years old. I know how hard it is to juggle everything but atleast it sounds like your husband is supportive (I was completely on my own - have been a single mum my daughter's entire life).

What are you going to be studying at TAFE? I was a TAFE teacher (of an Advanced Diploma course) until a couple of months ago (left to reduce my stress levels to increase my chances of IVF working and it did - now 5 weeks pregnant). Anyway I know that with my students I have been very flexible about work requirements in line with their family responsiblities etc (including one student who had to breast feed during class). I'd suggest talk to your TAFE teachers early on (especially if they are female) and you may find that they are willing to negoiate with you around work requirements etc (and more understanding about morning sickness etc). I've had several students with young children and one who took a semester off due to having a baby. Most TAFE teachers (especially if they are mothers themselves) will be very understanding and supportive and I encourage you to use this support.

Part-time study with a baby is hard work but well worth it. A close friend only took 4 weeks off study to have her son (attended class a few days before he was born and then returned when he was 4 weeks old and I looked after him for her the 1 day a week that she had class. So she managed to complete her course in the normal time-frame.

As others have said having a baby doesn't mean that you can't still do what you had planned - it just means you might have to do it in a slightly different way.

Even though my daughter was a total shock to start with, she truly is the best thing to ever happen to me and it hasn't stopped me realising any of my dreams (except working overseas again but that wasn't a major dream).

Remember to utilize whatever support systems you have available to you (friends, family, TAFE student services etc). When you need help or aren't coping don't burn yourself out by trying to carry on and not discussing it with anyone (this is a mistake many of my students have made) let those around you know if you need help or if you need time out etc and when studying let your teachers know as early as possible if you are going to need an extension etc.

I am just going to look on the bright side of life and be glad that I am no longer having fertility issues.

Yes - think how lucky you are if/when you decide to have another you now know that there is a chance it can happen naturally.

Best wishes
Lori