oh thank you so much girls you don't know how much this means to me. i am posting here to say i won't be around for a few days, i have a lot of decisions to make. unfortunately my dh hasn't taken to the news well at all. it is absolutely confused the hell out of me, we were actively ttc since july 05 taking temps, opk's and bd all the right times etc etc. then when a few months back, we both well probably be me moreso decided that i had accepted things and that i would get on with enjoying what we have, i guess my dh thought that means that it would be impossible for me to every fall pregnant. he says he supports me either way, wtf does he mean. he says financially and emotionally it has come at the wrong time and if it had of happended 6 - 12 mths ago he would be happy, however if i decide to continue with this pregnancy and why the hell wouldn't i think anything different not to then that we will have to sell our house and financially we could not bring up another child.

i cannot believe the way he has been with me the past 24hrs i am guttered, there is alot more to it, my husband is an alcoholic, who of course believes he isn't and he apparently doesn't have a problem, but really most of our financial woes do come about from him spending approx $100 pw on alchol. things got pretty heated last night and he actually slapped me across the face 3 times. it is not pretty here at all.

i have been to see my gp and have been in touch with the royal womans pregnancy counselling service and am also waiting on a call back from the domestic violence people.

so either way i am going along with this alone, i have been through so much in the last 10yrs and i don't know why things like this are happening to me. my dh says our marriage is through (we have been married for 14 yrs), he said some pretty cruel and nasty things along with alot of childing things. i wish to god right now that i never met the bastard he has not only emotionally abused me over the years but it looks like now he thinks he can raise his hand.

ladies keep me in your thoughts please and send strong messages to this little bub (who i have a strong feeling is a little boy) i am getting help and i have alot of support around me, i will be taking a break for a few weeks from here and will come back soon.

thanks again your wishes have brightened up my day