My sister is expecting she will be godmother and somehow thinks that she deserves to be...I dont know why ewhen she has been such a ***** lately to me in regards to certain things!
I have had family for both my girls and then had a friend for each as well. Not any of the 6 godparents of my two girls would get them if something happened to us. So for me it was purely a gesture to say that they are important people in our lives. I would think about letting your friend be a third godparent, even if only you did promise her. It may not be her pride that is hurt, maybe she was looking forward to it, and genuinly feels let down? oxo
PS saying all that, with DD1 I no longer speak to or have any contact with my friend who is a godparent. I am fine with that, as my sister and brother are still her godparents. It means nothing now that my friend isn't invovled, no big deal. But at the time it was an important gesture to her.
PS my understanding of the godparent is to be a spiritual guide in the child's life if they so choose. I have to say though, in my experience with my own godparents, and my childrens, this isn't really something that is practiced! So for me it is more a symbol of someone special to my children. And I know many people who have no contact with their godparents, just because that's the way it's turned out.
Personally i really don't want to have multiple godparents for my bub. I really think that my friends should understand how much they mean to me and shouldn't need a gesture.
My DP and i strongly believe that whoever the godparents are, get the kids if we die. thats the way we've both been raised.
I've explained to my friend how i feel about the situation, and that i am sorry, but i'm not going to make her a godmother simply because i want her to be happy.
ALIBABY- as i'm the oldest of five, and the next youngest after me is my sister Lulu who is only 16, i had already explained to her about the godparent thing, and she didn't really seem to care that much, but then, thats Lulu. So i guess i'm lucky.
But i definately can't stand how people assume that their going to be a godparent, another couple of my girlfriends have done the same. But their alot easier than Kristy, and they were both fine with our choice of doing it with family members. With no problems whatsoever.
WebbMeg- I'm sure she is hurt and was looking forward to it, but i have apologised and tried my best to make amends. But my friend Kristy is a bit of a handfull, and has taken it really badly, i do feel terrible about it, but i'm not going to change my decision simply because she's angry.
I've been trying to stop being so whipped, ahhahaha
I can see how she is a little offended if you have a problem that she used to go out and get drunk, sheesh!
I'm 35 and I still have a drink (since I'm not dead), in fact I'm going out this weekend and I dare say I will get a little drunk. Thats not irresponsible. I've also crowd surfed, swum topless at the beach, rode backwards on a motorbike and stole a packet of bubblegum when I was 12.
None of this makes me incapable of being an excellent parent, or take care of my best friends daughter should anything happen to her. You poor friend is a bit hurt because now there is a actual baby, she isn't good enough (or responsible enough). Don't hack on her because she is hurt, try to be a little more understanding?
lulu- don't get me wrong, it's not that she goes out and gets drunk, i was until i found out i was pregnant. thats got nothing to do with it. i was simply using it as an example about how, no that i actually am pregnant, things have changed i guess.
I don't want to make her a godmother because i don't think i could trust her judgment, decision making and to take care of my child properly. Plus things with our friendship have soured in the past few months, and i really don't see our friendship lasting much longer regardless of whether i was pregnant or not.
I can understand why she is hurt, and as i said, i have tried to talk to her about it.
But really, at the point her and i are at at the moment, i'm not going to make her godmother simply because i want to make her happy in sight of an ailling friendship.
p.s. your daughter bella looks gorgeous!!! i'm in love with her dress!!!!
maybe you can give your friend another important role for the christening
like you, i had someone in mind that we thought we'd ask to be secondary godparents to our kids (the idea was that, like my bro's kids, they'd all have one set of godparents the same, the person that would "inherit them" if something happened, and then their "own" godparents) - but over a period of time, i came to realise that these people, as grown adults, were not a good moral influence, and i didn't want that influence to be any more "important" to my children. so we moved away from that couple.
i understand where lulu is coming from - it's damn hurtful to be told one thing and then have it revoked a year later, but given you're not going with other friends, you're sticking with family, i think your friend will need to accept that, show maturity, and embrace whatever role she can have within your babies life.
I am so pleased I have kept my mouth shut on that issue, based on what you are now going through. My best friend and her new husband are lovely people but they always seem to have some drama and they are both very stressed out people and my friend is on anti-depressants now so they would probably not cope with having to look after someone else's child.
I think that family are a good choice cause they are always around. I don't even know who my God parents are so that idea didn't really work for my parents. Thank God they are still around and we never had to go to the godparents to live.
My family is split up and I wouldn't really call it a family anymore so there is no one at all on my side of the family would consider as good guardians to my little man. But we have DH cousins who have a 6 year old girl and a 1 year old boy that we would probably consider. Now we don't spend a lot of time with them as they live about 1 hour away but they are good people and love close families and they have a good home and good values. Like someone said its not a popularity contest its about the child being left to a couple who are best for the child if the worst should happen to you and your partner.
I guess we will have to cross this bridge soon enough ourselves but for now we have not put a lot of thought into it.
I think the problem is that you told her she would be godmother. It's not that she assumed it, you said it. So therefore I can see why she's hurt. BUT, I also see you have changed your mind and that is your perogative, but just explain it to her that you've changed your mind since becoming pregnant, things seem a bit different and you are going with family. xo
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