maybe you can give your friend another important role for the christening
like you, i had someone in mind that we thought we'd ask to be secondary godparents to our kids (the idea was that, like my bro's kids, they'd all have one set of godparents the same, the person that would "inherit them" if something happened, and then their "own" godparents) - but over a period of time, i came to realise that these people, as grown adults, were not a good moral influence, and i didn't want that influence to be any more "important" to my children. so we moved away from that couple.
i understand where lulu is coming from - it's damn hurtful to be told one thing and then have it revoked a year later, but given you're not going with other friends, you're sticking with family, i think your friend will need to accept that, show maturity, and embrace whatever role she can have within your babies life.
I am so pleased I have kept my mouth shut on that issue, based on what you are now going through. My best friend and her new husband are lovely people but they always seem to have some drama and they are both very stressed out people and my friend is on anti-depressants now so they would probably not cope with having to look after someone else's child.
I think that family are a good choice cause they are always around. I don't even know who my God parents are so that idea didn't really work for my parents. Thank God they are still around and we never had to go to the godparents to live.
My family is split up and I wouldn't really call it a family anymore so there is no one at all on my side of the family would consider as good guardians to my little man. But we have DH cousins who have a 6 year old girl and a 1 year old boy that we would probably consider. Now we don't spend a lot of time with them as they live about 1 hour away but they are good people and love close families and they have a good home and good values. Like someone said its not a popularity contest its about the child being left to a couple who are best for the child if the worst should happen to you and your partner.
I guess we will have to cross this bridge soon enough ourselves but for now we have not put a lot of thought into it.
I think the problem is that you told her she would be godmother. It's not that she assumed it, you said it. So therefore I can see why she's hurt. BUT, I also see you have changed your mind and that is your perogative, but just explain it to her that you've changed your mind since becoming pregnant, things seem a bit different and you are going with family. xo
i can see why she is upset but ultimtaely its your choice.
Im guessing you know this bit JIC others dont,
Godparents undertake to oversee the spiritual wellbeing of your kids, not looking after them if something happens to you.
That's something seperate that you need to include in your will, or a legally binding document.
So if you want those people to be your BIL and his wife then make sure its someting in writing cos they wont automatically get to do it just becuase they are godparents
I would have guessed that grandparents, aunties/uncles etc could mount a pretty good case to have care of children should both their parents die.
I would expect my parents to have my kids if me and DH both die, followed by my sister, my brother and his sister (his dad is too old and his mum is dead already).
I guess there must be ways to safeguard this in law, but I would think it would be a hard case to argue that someone who isn't in the family would gain guardianship over orphaned children.
To me, godparents promise to oversee the spiritual education of the child, and that's as far as their technical responsibility goes.
Personally, I would intentionally choose friends to be godparents, rather than family. My family are already interested in my kids, and they will already be ready to look afer them if something happened to us. To connect some trusted friends to my children's welfare seems to me like adding to the depth of their safety net (say my whole immediate family gets killed in an accident, for example).
I would also suggest writing a will, as things do get messy and you dont want it left up to chance. I have been very specific in mine as to who gets the kids. xo
Hey guys, the feedback is awesome!!
DP and i have agreed that as soon as the bub is born we're going to write up wills, stipulating that our children would go to their godparents. And the wills will be updated on a yearly basis, so nothing gets left out.
As for my friend Kristy, i'm not making her godmother. I honestly wouldn't feel comfortable with her getting my kids. I've made the personal decision not to include her in any part of the whole thing. The lack of maturity that she has shown when i try to explain the whole thing to her, is just making my decision to not make her godmother that much easier.
PUPPIES- that was me who said the popularity contest thing, actually, my mum. haha
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