Guilty After Sex!

[lj268]

Hi everyone,
Well, I'm not sure if I'm alone on this subject or not, but everytime after I have sex, I feel so guilty and am worried that I will m/c!!!!
Two years ago I had two m/c's (one m/c then a period then another m/c!) and so I am really worried about having sex and think bad things for the rest of the day/night due to the worry that I am going to m/c again! Both my last m/c's were sex related, but I think that there was something not right with the babies anyway, the first couldve even been a blighted ovum! The second m/c the baby had no heartbeat and hadnt grown, not to mention the amount of blood that was visable on the u/s!!
Does anyone else have these same feelings??
It makes me feel very insecure about having sex, and I know this is not a good thing for DP! He is quite understanding, but on the other hand, I cant expect him to go without for the 9 months now can I lol!!!!!

[Jaycee]

Hi LJ
Don't worry, you are definitely not alone in this, I too had a miscarriage and I feel exactly the same way, infact we've only had sex about 4 times since we found out I was pregnant and I'm now 13 weeks!
I didn't know a miscarriage could be sex related, did your doctor tell you this was the cause of the miscarriage? What does it actually mean? If you don't want to talk about it that's fine, just got me interested as I've never heard of that being an actual reason.
Take care
xxx

[MamaPan]

hi there
i think we all feel 'weird'in some way about DTD. I know my DH gets worried about the baby and my comfort etc. Personally I havent had a mc (lucky me) and perhaps it is worth discussing with your care provider as I know they have some guidelines/recommendations for women who have had m/c about DTD in pregnancy - it will let you know what is safe and also perhaps put your mind at ease... (I know for some women it isnt recommended but I am not saying that for you, only your dr or midwife could tell you that). and if that was the case i am sure there are other things you could do to retain intimacy...

[lj268]

Hi Adkins,
Well I cant say for sure that the m/c's were sex related, its just the first time round straight after DTD I had heaps of bright red blood and hence m/c'd very soon after! The second m/c there was a toy involved (IYKWIM! TMI lol!) and after that started spotting. Went to the drs and had an U/S and this is when the blood etc was noticed. When I think about it, the cause of the m/c's wasnt as such related to having sex, but maybe more the fact that there really was something wrong with the baby anyway. Ive been told that the body has ways and means of disposing of something that isnt quite right (that sounds sooo wrong, but I think you know what i mean).
Those two m/c's were to my former partner and I am now pg to my true love DP lol, so hoping that all goes well with this one.
12 wk U/S in 12 days and counting lol.

[RhiChiChi]

Hi,
I can understand your concern and that is one of the reasons DH & I didn't have sex b/c increased chance of m/c. (We'd had two m/c previously) We have only DTD a couple of times and it has been in the third trimester! (So yes, you can make your dp wait!) I personally wouldn't be DTD until later on in pg when the risk of m/c is reduced. Please note that this is my personal opinion only and perhaps you should discuss this and your concerns with your health carer

[Ezz]

I haven't been game enough to DTD since becoming pregnant either. I have had 3 incidents of bleeding (without DTD), so I don't want to risk it. I think once I get past the 18 week scan (in 3 weeks - yay!), I'll feel more comfortable. Poor DH - he is so patient!

[aussienic]

I have had 2 losse ( not sex related) and 3 lots of bleeding/spotting this pregnancy 2 were from sex I think. I am impatient and don't want to go without but at the same time I would feel very guilty if something happened. My dr hasn't said anything about avoiding sex though. We haven't DTD since I last had spotting which was a week ago but ......

[chon]

I was told to avoid sex in the first trimester as well. I think the doctors must say it if you have bleeding early on or in your case past m/c's.

Your bubs is more important and your DP would see it that way too. My partner was at the appointment with me when the doctor said it and that was that, we had sex probably 4 times during the whole 9 months!

Good luck with it all and a BIG congratulations!

[Dustmite]

Two years ago I had two m/c's (one m/c then a period then another m/c!) and so I am really worried about having sex and think bad things for the rest of the day/night due to the worry that I am going to m/c again! Both my last m/c's were sex related,

Although I'm not a Doctor, I do not believe sex is usually the cause of M/C's. Although I believe in some cases sex can help aggravate a situation, I suspect more times than not it is a case of coincidence. That being said, your feelings and concern are very real and consistent with my wife's and every other woman I know who has ever had a M/C. In that regard I would not worry about it, its a natural feeling to go through. I also suspect that no matter how bad you don't want to feel that way or make your DH/DP to go through this, you are not going to be able to change how you are feeling.

My wife seems to be almost as prone to M/C as she is PG's. We do not seem to have a problem conceiving, she is very fertile but we usually have at least one M/C between PG's it seems; The worst being a loss 3 months into the PG. My wife was so impacted by our first M/C that she did not want me to know how bad/constantly she wanted sex for fear we would have sex and cause another M/C. I found out years later! However, having a successful PG did not change her fears and added to a decreased drive has meant we just don't have allot of sex during PG. With my son (our last PG to date) she had a little more drive but not much and the same fear was there. I don't think any woman who has had even one M/C let alone multiples can go through a PG without that feeling riding on her shoulders.

I would recommend talking to your DH/DP and laying out your fears while also explaining your concerns for his needs as well and see what the two of you come up with. If both of you are on the same page desiring this baby more than anything, then I am sure the two of you can come up with some sort of understanding that the two of you can live with for the greater good of everyone and everyones emotional state.

Good luck!

[lj268]

When I went to my dr, he never said anything about avoiding DTD, and said that (as most of us know) there usually is a reason why women m/c. My DP was at the dr with me and the dr was very helpful and made me feel welcome, unlike some dr do! When I first found out I was pg, my DP said we could wait until there was a safer period (if there is such a thing) to DTD, he really is very understanding. This is his first child and he is very excited about it. When we first started dating he told me that he had to be sterile as he has never had any children, and during the two years that we have been together we have never used any contraception (I guess this was really meant to be) so imagine my face when I saw those two pink lines lol.

[mummytotwo]

I have not DTD either since finding out I am pg. I had a m/c last August & only found out at my 12 week scan. I was told the baby had died 2 days earlier & we had DTD this day. Of course I then put 2 & 2 together & have felt scared to have sex this pg. DH is very understanding & there are other ways to be close iykwim My Ob has said it is fine to have sex this time but it is all about what you & DP are comfortable with. Hopefully later in the pg I will feel safe enough to resume sex but I am not going to push myself. I would never want to have to go through another m/c & these are small steps I am taking that put my mind at ease. Funnily enough I have been avoiding baths also although everyone tells you they are perfectly safe (& oh how I love a nice long soak!). BTW...I had sex & baths with DS with absoluately no problems - it is just a kind of paranoia I have developed after the m/c. Do what makes you comfortable.....