how do you cope with the worry of wondering whether the pregnancy will go right?

[tenar]

I've only known I was pregnant for 3 days. Before then I was sure I wasn't, and as relaxed as anything.

Now I am full of worries and fears: What are these strange crampy feelings in my belly? Should I worry that the BFP this morning was paler than yesterday morning or is that probably irrelevant? Should I worry that my bike riding is bad for the pregnancy? Should I worry about my age, about my being overweight, about my husband's age? Should I worry about my up coming trip overseas for work that I can't avoid?

I know the answers to most or all of the above, as far as one can know (lots of them are "maybe" things anyway), but that isn't stopping me from worrying about it. I am all teary and stressy and up and down about it all (also I am overjoyed and keep breaking out with wild grins, which must be mystifying my colleagues).

This pregnancy is a small miracle for us, given the chances against it happening, and even though I've only known about it for 3 days now I will be shattered if anything goes wrong. How do you deal with that fear?

How long did it take you to feel more relaxed about your pregnancy? Does the worry continue for the whole 40 weeks?

How did you get used to being worried and what did you do to reduce your stress about all the things that could go wrong?

So many of the people posting here seem to have had miscarriages. Is it really that common, or is this forum a disproportionate sample of people who have had problems?

Please comment. I'd love to learn about your experiences and advice.

[Jakabella]

Tenar,
I know exactly where you are coming from! Unfortunalty I was one of the ones whos first preg ended in a miscarriage - I was 6 weeks at the time. We were very lucky and fell preg straight away and now I am over 24weeks!
I am still worried off and on - I was petrefied till that magic 12 weeks mark that I was going to loose again and I had many many scared with quite a few bleeds. Its very nromal to be worried and as all the lovely ladies on here will tell you they have all been worried at some point as well.

The worry doesnt go away - I still have days when the bub isnt moving much that I get very stressed.
In the early days If I had any issues or if I felt I was not right I would head staight to my doc or to the Rmergancy dept at the hospital - they may all have thought I was a looney but i made ME feel better (especially when I had bleeds)
The way I coped was getting on BB and venting or askin Q's (thank god for BB!!) also I tallked to ppl about how I was feeling and I learnt to trust my body (hard after a loss) I tryed very hard to be possitive (even thru the bleeds) and tried to keep calm.

I can fully understand all the fears that you are facing - as will many many of the ladies / men on here.
Try to relax (i now easier siad than done!) and try to remain positive. Love and look after your self.
I hope I have been of some help! Hard to put some of these things in words!
Love
Kate.
PS feel free to PM me if you have any questions or wnt to vent!

[Pink+blue]

Firstly Congrats!!!

I felt the exact same way when i was pregnant. I had the crampy feelings & i even had a slight bleed. For the first 13 weeks was the worst but after that i felt a little bit better, but still pretty scared. i worried all the time until antinatel apps n scans where i saw/heard the heartbeat, I counted down every week but as i got further along i didnt worry as much. I think it just gets easier as you get further along & you can feel bub moving & kicking. JUst try to stay positive & keep busy! Good luck & wishing u a h&h prgnancy

[tenar]

Thanks, both of you.

I'm a bit calmer now than I was earlier today. Partly because I did another HPT and the line was darker again, which is reassuring that things are going as they should. And partly because I am trying to work off my anxiety by learning more about pregnancy. Isn't the internet wonderful!

I'm sure to be stressed all over again tomorrow, mind you. Can't wait until a few more weeks have passed well and I can relax some more.

[sconeonamission]

Congratulations!! BB is a fantastic place for everything re: pregnancy. I wish I'd joined earlier!

I was the same as you when I found out! I was 2-3days late for my af and had a dr appt regarding something else. Ended up doing a pg test and hey presto mumma! I had to go back to work that afternoon. I was in shock! The next day the worry set in.

Like the others said, the worry didn't go away. I had an irrational fear of the unknown, bleeds, miscarriage, and towards the late middle of the pg, I began to worry about stillbirth. Thankfully, my dh was great and the midwives very accomdating. IF there was a problem I'd call them. OR go in for monitoring - just to ease my mind.

Your worry is perfectly normal - everyone worries! Speak to friends that are pg or have kids, your partner, dr and join your belly-buddies group! I can't speak highly enough for those who were in mine. What I couldn't get answered from others, I got from them.

Hang in there! Congratulations again and I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy!

[satya]

Some ladies worries disappear when they get to 12 weeks - others (like me) worry all the way through. Amongst numerous other things I worried would I make it to 12 weeks, then when I reached there would I make it through the 2nd tri, then when I got there I worried about going into early labour, then when I got to 37 weeks I stressed that I was going to go over. I needn't have worried about any of these things as bubs stuck nicely and arrived 1 week and 4 days early.

I noticed you mentioned worrying about your age. I'm not sure how old you are but I'm tipping you are younger than me. I worried about all the age related stuff throughout my pregnancy. I was quite paranoid about it actually, always expecting things to go wrong. I worried for no reason at all. I had an easy pregnancy, something I didn't expect to have seeing I was due a month after I celebrated my 42nd birthday.

Try to put your worries to the back of your mind and start enjoying the pregnancy. All too soon it will be over and bubs will be in your arms and you will wish you spent far less time worrying and more time enjoying the very special time of being pregnant.

[PamyK]

I had 2 very sucessful pregnancies before I had my first mc, and I worried every moment of my two pregnanies until I could feel them move. Everytime the stress or worry got to much I would make an appointment with my GP and listen to HB just to reasure myself - I would also calm myself by talking to my babies - this gave me a connection and instant reasurance that everything was fine. I found lying down and closing my eyes and internally visualising my baby would also help, especially if I lay on my back in the first trimester, that pressure in your uteras was a huge reassurance to me.

I found when you're pregnant your connection and intuition is hightened and knew that my 3rd wasn't right - trust yourself, trust your body, and trust your conection with that growing baby inside, but when it all gets to much worry, go see your gp - he was happy to give me requests for scans on the basis of stress - as long your gp puts down "Doctor Requested" and not Requested by Mother - that's the difference between Bulk Bill and Paying!

[tenar]

Thanks so much everyone.

I am trying to work off my worry by reading extensively about pregnancy and trying to get my head around some of the issues and things I need to decide about soon. It's certainly interesting, and I always enjoy learning about a new "hobby", so that much is good.

Went to see a different GP today (only because we need a good GP in our immediate area, and the one I normally see is close to my work, but too far off for a quick visit especially given we don't have a car), and she was really nice and reassuring (and she told me not to believe everything I read on the internet!, but I already knew that one ).

I'm kinda going nuts on the HPTs too, at the moment, have used one every day this week and twice yesterday. I just like seeing those lines get darker and darker.

SkyeBlue what is a Doppler and how much do they cost? I can guess that this would be something I'd like to do, if the cost isn't too prohibitive.

Satya, I'm younger than you, but old enough to wish I was doing this 10 years earlier, (life didn't turn out that way, though I'm very happy with the way things have worked out in the end, for sure).

Trying to think positively and to focus on my work - having been totally distracted all week so far means I'm fast building myself more backlog than I can manage, so need to get to it!

[teepee2]

Tenar as you've probably gathered from our belly buddies group, I'm a bit of a worrier too!

We had alot of trouble conceiving our daughter and after 2 years we were very thrilled that the fertility treatment finally worked. Then my SIL made a comment early on that we shouldnt get too excited until we passed the 12 weeks mark. Well that completely set me off and all I could think about for the rest of the pregnancy was what could go wrong! Thankfully everything worked out well but the worry was always in the back of my mind and its completely normal to feel this way, especially when you read or hear of so many things going wrong.

This time, as you know, my HCG is on the lower end of the scale so once again I'm a bit worry wort!

I only have 1 suggestion for you.... Read as much as you can about the pregnancy journey itself. Read about the milestones, about the development of your baby, about what to expect physically and emotionally etc BUT DO NOT read about the negative side, dont read about what can go wrong! It'll only make you stress and worry and the the best thing you can do for youself and your baby is to remain positive about the whole experience!

Although alot of ppl say that the doppler is great, I personally wouldnt get one. Depending on what position your baby is in, and the position of your placenta, you may not always be able to find a heartbeat easily (especially early on in the pregnancy) and that is only going to worry you even more. I have a few friends that bought one and they at times were sure something had happened to their babies because they couldnt find a clear heartbeat. I'd say leave that part up to your OB or midwife - they know what they're doing!!

I hope you're feeling a little better about it all and I'm sure you'll enjoyi every minute of this wonderous journey

[Skyeblue]

tenar- a doppler is a device where you can listen to bubs heartbeat and hear him or her moving around. You can use it after 12 weeks, or for me it was 13 weeks. Any earlier and you probably wont hear anything.
Just go to ebay and type in doppler, I have the angelsounds one. I think mine cost about $60, but let me tell you, it is worth every cent.
Even now when she has quiet days and I worry, I have a listen and can hear she is fine in there.

[teepee2]

Sky just wondering, do you always hear a clear heartbeat. I have friends who have used them and had problems hearing anything so I've always been sceptical about buying one (mainly cause I'm a worrier!!!)