OK- so I have NO idea where to post this. Please move it if there's a better spot. It wasn't right to post in pregnancy after loss but I think some of the emotions are similar.

So most of you know that my DS was born with a serious heart defect. He was in heart failure at 9 days old and has had two open heart surgeries at 2 weeks and 6 weeks. It was the worst time of my life. I think I had some residual PSD after our time in hospital and I still have flashbacks from the ICU.

Anyway, I am pregnant again. 9 weeks or so. Don't get me wrong, hubby and I are super excited to be adding to our family. It was a surprise pregnancy but ABSOLUTELY wanted. Most of the time I am fine and happy thinking about pregnancy but sometimes I am absolutely petrified there is something wrong. I can't imagine going through that again. Twice we were told to say goodbye to DS, no parent should ever face that. I am so scared that I'll have to face it again.

Those other mums who have had sick babies and pregnancies after. Are these emotions normal? Did you feel this fear? Please tell me I'm not horrible for not 100% enjoying this pregnancy.