Hi glenny, firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy!

My DS is my second child. At my gross morph scan at around 21 weeks, we were told that he only had a single kidney and that that kidney appeared to be 'non-functional' and that the pregnancy was 'not viable'. It was advised that we terminate the pg. I couldn't face the prospect of a termination at that stage of pg and DH agreed. I made the decision that I would prefer to carry to term and birth a still baby than undergo a termination at 22 weeks. We were advised that the kidney's do not function until shortly before delivery as the placenta does the job until then. It was expected that DS would survive until shortly after delivery. Neither dialysis or transplant was an option.

As you can imagine, I was stressed beyond belief. I cried every day as I felt my little boy kick around in my stomach. I had regular US's and a few weeks before delivery a blood supply to the kidney was found and we were told that it 'might' function. During DS's delivery, the midwife was telling me to push and I just couldn't because my brain was telling me I had to keep my DS inside, where he was safe. Eventually, my body took over and I delivered my DS. He was pink and chubby and perfect. He is now 7 and it has been a bumpy and stressful road, but his single kidney (although it is quite abnormal and we have had some problems with it) does continue to function. I, not surprisingly, struggled with PND.

We had a gap of 5 years between DS and DD2. I knew I wanted another child but I couldn't face the prospect of another pregnancy. What if something went wrong again? We had lost our naivety. Instead of something joyful, pregnancy became something to fear - a dark place full of sadness and worry. But my desire for another child outweighed my fear. We wanted a child for the child's own sake, but I also wanted another sibling for DD1 so that... well, so that if DS's kidney fails and he doesn't survive she will have a sibling to share her load with. Such a terrible thing to contemplate, but that's the honest truth.

It didn't take long to fall pg. I was excited - and terrified. I cried a lot. Made a lot of deals with the devil... 'if this baby is ok, then I will...'!! We had our 12 week scan and all looked good, but all had looked good at DS's 12 week scan too. I reached about 15 weeks and I realised that I couldn't continue that way. My fear was spoiling what would likely be my last pg. If I didn't lower my stress levels, I think I might have stroked out!! I was snappy, teary... miserable. It wasn't what I wanted and it wasn't fair to my kids. They were old enough to understand what pregnancy is, and I wanted pregnancy to be something joyful to them, not a time for a woman to be miserable. it should be so exciting and incredible, this growing of a new baby. So I made a conscious decision to change my attitude. I forced myself to be happy. It's amazing, if you plaster a smile on your face, make an effort with your appearance and tell yourself that you are happy... you actually feel al little bit better. The other thing I chose to do is to accept that I could not change things. I can't fix DS's kidney, and I could only live in a healthy way to protect the baby in my tummy. That's all. I chose to accept that I could not control the outcome. Very difficult for a controlling personality like mine, but when I finally let go, it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I was still anxious. I still had teary moments, over concern for my third baby and also the memories it raised of my pregnancy with DS. But I made the choice to enjoy my third pregnancy and accept that I could not control it.

I think what you are feeling is very normal. Tell people how you are feeling, surround yourself with supportive people. And make the choice to acknowledge your worries, but to enjoy this new experience.