why do women feel the need to share their horror stories?

[slyder]

It seems that every time I have mentioned to any other woman that I am 6 weeks pregnant, they automatically feel the need to share their miscarriages, still births and pregnancy, birth horror stories. And then have the nerve to say, "So are you excited?" I read the research and 85% of all conceptions go to full term without any complications. But why does it seem that everyone I seem to bump into only have bad experiences? Where are the women out there that have enjoyed being pregnant and had a wonderful experience (but painful obviously).
They say that you should not stress out about things! Well my message to these women is,
"Please think twice before blurting out your issues on a newly pregnant first timer, its hard to get excited about something that by most women's comments is doomed for failure".

Any newbies finding this, or is it just me? its distressing and I do my best to ignore them and not let their comments sink in. But now I am just getting cranky about it!

It's poor form, and why people insist on doing this I have no idea. The best thing you can do, I think, is to remind yourself that for every horror story, there are probably 1,000 women at any one moment in the world giving birth to healthy kids. People never want to go with the good, just the bad. Let them waffle

[Ozziehoffy]

Puppies... firstly a HUGE congrats on your pregnancy!!!

Secondly, I think so many people are glass half empty and I'm a glass half full person, so I found the same thing. I have a friend who is currently 22 wks pg and I've actually told her that people will feel the need to tell her all these bad/painful things but to ignore them!! I LOVED being pregnant and had the MOST amazing and wonderful birthing experience. I had my little man and felt I could go back straight away and do it all over again!! I did hypnobirthing and it was wonderful. I think that you will find a lot of ladies here who have had amazingly wonderful experiences.

I hope you have a fantastic pregnancy and birthing of your little bubba and try to ignore the lovely horror stories people think we need to hear! Oh and by the way, the honest truth with my birthing experience... I had no pain (so it does NOT have to be painful at all) and no drugs - I attribute it to hypnobirthing (or sometimes called calm birthing).

[paradise lost]

I think it's the same as the old customer service adage - if you get good service you tell 3 people, if you get bad service you tell 9 people. Somehow people who feel they had a hard time are determined to tell everyone and their dog about it.

On the other hand i had a great birth and people DON'T want to hear about it. I actually had some older women snort "that's not a STORY!" when i told them about it. My birth story is here. I had a very strange labour, but i LIKED it. Yes it was a challenge, but so is running 10 miles and i do that for fun too

Best of luck hun.

Bx

[Gigi]

i had a "horror'' labour and delivery - and i discovered, after i survived this, there is nothing to "do" with that trauma and experience afterwards. Everyone is focussed on the new baby, it's like what i had just gone thru had never happened (as far as everyone else was concerned.) No debrief, no medical explanation, nothing. So i have alot of unresolved grief about what we went thru.

i have since found out, another hospital i could have delivered at, actually has a mental health nurse who visit new mothers, to debrief them, get them any support services they need etc.

i never thought i would need any of that, i was all ready for a home water birth! things can change so mfast!

I accept what happened to me was a rare occurence, really freaky. When i hear someone else is pregnant, i feel happy for them, and don't expect that they will have a freak delivery like me. I wouldn't bore them with my experience as i realise it was rare, and highly unlikely to happen to them as well.

i enjoyed being pregnant, would love another bub (but that isn't going to happen) and feel all happy when i meet other people who are newly pregnant. I like to concentrate on the positives of them being pregnant.

when they get the aches and pains of pregnancy, i like to share things that helped me - e.g the full body pillow - but only if i think it might be relevant to what they're going thru at the time.

After taking five years to conceive, i was so elated to be pregnant.
Lots of people told me horror stories too, i hated that.

there is a forum called JOYOUS BIRTH - i think you will get positive support there.


i started going to monthly Homebirth meetings in my city, that was very positive (the downside was though, i was totally unprepared for what happened, when my homebrith turned into an emergency c-sction.)

I would say enjoy your pregnancy

Nurture the little one inside you

You are a mum NOW, even before baby is born

it's precious, that every day, that baby is growing and developing, so special.

Take the time to photograph your belly, and treasure the time you are pregnant.

Find support and keep going to that place.

all the best !

[~Belinda~]

Sorry to hear that Gigi

[Chippy]

My DPs Mum is the worst. While she is very excited and has told the world (even though we asked her not to!) she keeps telling us not to get excited and then proceeds to tell us about all her miscarriages and the baby she had who was born still. I've heard the story at least 20 times in the last 8 weeks.

It does make sense though that the horror stories come from a place of trauma for the Mamas who tell them. There's such silence around the impact of pregnancy and birth loss and trauma. The culture needs to change.

[csab]

Pregnancy is different for each person, no pregnancy is the same. Make the most of your time being pg and enjoy the wonders of this beautiful little life growing from within. People can give you their horror stories, but your story can very well be different and so much more better than you could have imagined. Unfortunately there are so many women that do have complications thru out pg, and possibly labour but you must know that each person is different, different circumstances etc. Ignore these stories that upset you and get ready for the most wonderful experience of your life. Becoming a mother. All the horrible stories women have told may stick in your mind, but unfortunately they always seem to forget telling you that once it was all over they had the most precious gift anyone could ask for. A tiny little person, that is apart of them. Once that baby is born, you will see what a truly special moment that is.

You soon will have your own birth story to tell, and it will be wonderful....