Thanks girls - I do sometimes think I over-react, but my DH is right beside me on this one. Whilst we acknowledge that we can't have our first week alone, no-one will let us do that, we still want as much time alone as possible!
DH is being fab about everything, although he daren't stand up to my parents yet (I can sympathise with that!), but we can always hide from them. And the Christening, well, my Dad just shifted his work dates and my mum's going with him (he's in the merchant navy) - I know his work dates can shift, but this time he shifted them. I will ask if I can move the Christening on Thursday, at the classes, but hope that we can't! I think it's because they're upset that I'm not asking my sister to be godmother, because she wants to be, but DH and I want people who are actually Christians to be godparents! (Anyway, I had already asked the godmother, so can't change it now!)
Anyway, they are who they are, and I'm not going to change them so may as well do my best to like them for the sake of the children. DH has said no cuddles for anyone but the two of us if people do turn up in that week - I'll let him explain that one! But he doesn't want the baby to love anyone but us, bless him, so he's not allowing cuddles. I can see his point, his brother and SiL were like that when niece was born, only they did let some people and not others, so a blanket ban is a lot easier/fairer! But I wouldn't trust them alone with the baby, or with DH and the baby, because my mum and sister will snatch the baby away from DH and he's not used to them enough to scream blue murder at them for that. They'll try it with me, but I'll kick them out.
The more pushy they are, the less I want to see them or let them near the baby... shame, really, because we all lose out then. But I'm not going to give in unless they're nice! And promising presents for the big birthday isn't being nice... they can't just buy us off any more!
Ryn - I'm pregnant with my 3rd child, and I suffered PND with my last two children.
The only thing i will say is even if you had the best most kind family in the world, if you still wanted your first week alone it's your right to. I look back to how I was pushed around a bit when I had my first two...I can see how I got to the path of PND (although there were many other factors in my home life that did moreso).
Whatever you want to do in regards to YOUR baby, YOUR first pregnancy you should be able to do without any guilt or pressure put on you by your family. I personally think that having a baby, going through labour and all the stressful and emotional points that go with it, should be at least the one time where a woman should say and do what she wants and not have to think of others, and not have the pressure to.
I want a visitor free 3 day period with this baby. MIL doesn't know this yet, and it will be an issue (first grandchild for her). Already we have said we are going to keep the babies name to ourselves so it's a surprise after the birth, even though MIL knows the sex, she can't get over not knowing the name and literally rings my DP 4 times a day asking him to tell her and throwing heaps of names at him, asking if it's the one. She doesn't realize all she is doing is making me glad that I am having my 3 day visitor free period and making me much more determined to keep the name to ourselves. I worry if she is acting like this about the name, what is she going to be like with the baby. So she's effectively shooting herself in the foot. There is other issues also like them unable to visit without 4 dogs they treat like babies are go all over my furniture and think nothing is wrong with letting the dogs lick a baby...they refuse to put the dogs in a kennel or even leave them outside at my house or EVEN on the floor at my house, they have to sit on the lounges. I have dogs that I don't allow to do all this! So I can foresee problems but I'm determined no matter who I offend that my wishes are to be respected and DP knows this and better support me or else . I have also heard her and SIL really critisize and scrutinize other mothers in the family that have just had a baby, so I"m not giving them the opportunity to come in and stay with me and watch everything I do until I am damn well ready.
I'm sharing this with you to let you know I have a much less severe situation than you and I am still taking the visitor free period. THis is DP's first baby and I want us to have time to get used to this massive change in our lives, as well as my children. I refuse to feel badly about it, I'm the one doing all the work and I deserve to have a choice of when I am bombarded with visitors.
The nursing baby thing is a hard one too, and when DS was born, they told me not to pass him around for cuddles as it tired him out (he had a bad birth), so your DH could always use that exuse . I also had stringent rules about people washing their hands before holding my newborn and if they were sick they were to stay away, I offended people doing that, but that was their problem....I washed my hands constantly, why should I not ask them to just because it offended them?
My perspective is a bit different, but I think the last thing a heavily pg woman should have to worry about is what you have to right now....this is YOUR and DH's time Ryn, and you claim that and don't feel bad about it.
Ryn i would wait until the day you have had the baby before making up your mind 100%. You can always wait until the next day you have had your baby to tell them and not being horrible but you don't know what is going to happen until you are in labour.
I was lucky and went 24hrs without visitors when i had Kimberley but i was sick and needed lots of care. If your mum and sister are going to judge what you look like after giving birth then i don't understand then unless your mum looked perfect after having you and your sister and that i do not believe.
I hope you can work something out and try not to stress about it too much as it won't do you or the baby any good.
Reply With Quote
but I'm determined no matter who I offend that my wishes are to be respected and DP knows this and better support me or else 
. I have also heard her and SIL really critisize and scrutinize other mothers in the family that have just had a baby, so I"m not giving them the opportunity to come in and stay with me and watch everything I do until I am damn well ready.
Bookmarks