Back on the rollercoaster again...

[DaintreeDream]

We had the 19-20 week scan today and as always I walk in thinking everything will be ok, baby is healthy and normal, I never really believe anything will be wrong, right up until the end of the scan I thought that everything was normal.

I am then told that our baby has a problem with her heart, she will most likely require surgery shortly after birth, which means that once again my baby will be taken straight to NICU, my baby will once again be fed via a nasogastric tube, my baby will again not get to breastfeed although I do hope this will only be a short term problem, my baby once again will be taken to the royal childrens hospital so far away, I will have to express again, I will have to apart from my baby, I will miss so much, all this with DD in tow at just 19 months.

I am strong, I will get through this, I have not yet shead a tear, I am sad for what I will not get to experience but I am determind to make this experience a better one than what I experienced with DD. I just cannot believe I am here again.

I think I kind of expected that things would not be perfect. I wonder if I will ever experience newborn cuddles, newborn poos, my baby breastfeeding, taking my baby home from hospital with me, a baby with a smaller medical file then mine.

I am coping really well, I am sad for what is to come but I am not angry, everything happens for a reason, I still have lessons to learn.



If anyone does have personal experience with a baby that was born with a 'coarctation of the aorta' or an 'aortic interruption' I would love to have a chat about what is to come.

[boobaloo]

oh sweetie.. you are strong and brave, and your baby will be too.
I'm so sorry you're going through this again..

[boomba]

Just sending you and lots of love and support xxx

[lauren22]

oh hunny big you are strong and your baby and family will need that when baby is born. I pray everything will be fine and youll have baby snug in your arms soon

[Arimeh]

oh honey

I truly believe that you are one of the most strongest, most capable women I know. I hope that the road ahead isn't too bumpy for you guys

BTW - love the name!

[~kellie~]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this again

[willow5]

Sorry no experience or advice here but

[amy_o]

No experiance here either but sending you lots of love and prayers.

[thepixie]

[Olive]

oh hun my heart has just sunk your an amazing amazing women, stronger than i could ever be, im shedding tears for you. i hope that these things will only be minor setbacks for you both and the day you bring her home will be sooner than expected. let me know if there is anything i can do to help

[Floweryfields]

No experiance here either but sending you lots of love and prayers.

Yep what she said!

[Jas]

Oh, I am so sorry to be reading your post. Id on't know exactly what to say but I am preying for you and yours and praying that it is not as bad as you think and you will be able to experience all these things.

Also maybe its not that you have lessons to learn but that you have a hige amount to teach others.

You are amazing and strong and you can and will do it and we will all be with you xo

[Nettie]

awww hun... I'm sooo sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine how heart-wrenching this is.

I too feel sad to have missed out on all those newborn things (and yes, Liam's medical file is already bigger than mine!) - so I completely get where you're coming from there.

All the best and I hope it all goes smoothly for you all.

[tk1999]

Daintree - as a new mum currently riding the NICU/SCN rollercoaster I am struggling to find the words... I am beside myself not knowing but to have an expectation that this is the roller coaster you will ride for a second time would do my head in. I hope that you find comfort in the fact that you have ridden before and there will not be so much unknown a second time around - yes circumstances are different but you will already know a lot of things and will have picked up those handy hints from your first ride.

you and your family are always in my thoughts

xox

[DaintreeDream]

The amazing support that everyone offers is still so overwealming, thankyou all so much you have said some lovely words that makes me feel like I am not so alone.

I am feeling really quiet selfish but I don't want to do this again, I don't want to miss out again, it makes me feel like a horrible person when I know that my baby will be ok and that she will come home with me and that it is her that is going through the fighting not me.

I feel really bad for Matilda too, that she is going to be back in NICU watching her little sister fight the same fight, I don't want her to have to go through this and I am scared about how I am going to give enough to both my girls in such a situation, with Matilda I basically lived at the hospital, I had no-one to worry about but her, what am I going to do this time?

Today was meant to be a happy day, Matilda came home from hospital on this day last year, she has finally been safe at home for one whole year, we are meant to be celebrating that not worrying that this journey will be starting again 4 months.

It has hit me today and I am only now sheading my first tears.

I can do this. I will do this. I am going to be a stronger and better person for it.

Thankyou all so much.

MF it is nice to know that there is someone I can ask questions, thankyou for posting your story for me to read.

[~Serenity~]

Hey hunny just wanted to give you hugs and i hope things turn out ok,i know what you mean about the nicu and being apart and expressing ,thats what i did for 5 weeks....
you are a strong women and will get through this xxxxx

[Jennifer13]

Just popping in to wish you all the best. I really hope this journey becomes easier for you and your family and that you find the strength to get you through it.

[DaintreeDream]

Thankyou Michael (and the lovely person who pointed out my thread to you) and Jennifer.

This really does make me realise why I love BB so much, the support is so amazing .