The amazing support that everyone offers is still so overwealming, thankyou all so much you have said some lovely words that makes me feel like I am not so alone.

I am feeling really quiet selfish but I don't want to do this again, I don't want to miss out again, it makes me feel like a horrible person when I know that my baby will be ok and that she will come home with me and that it is her that is going through the fighting not me.

I feel really bad for Matilda too, that she is going to be back in NICU watching her little sister fight the same fight, I don't want her to have to go through this and I am scared about how I am going to give enough to both my girls in such a situation, with Matilda I basically lived at the hospital, I had no-one to worry about but her, what am I going to do this time?

Today was meant to be a happy day, Matilda came home from hospital on this day last year, she has finally been safe at home for one whole year, we are meant to be celebrating that not worrying that this journey will be starting again 4 months.

It has hit me today and I am only now sheading my first tears.

I can do this. I will do this. I am going to be a stronger and better person for it.

Thankyou all so much.

MF it is nice to know that there is someone I can ask questions, thankyou for posting your story for me to read.