DH doesn't seem "thrilled"

[Cass72]

I was hoping that there was a thread on this already but I guess I'm the only one in this particular boat at the moment.....

I love my DH with my whole heart - he is a kind, caring, loving and supportive partner. I have no doubt of how he feels about me. It's just that, he doesn't seem to be as happy about this pregnancy as I am. It's distressing when friends and family say, oh DH must be so excited, I just shrug and say, yes we are.

Bit of background, he has two kids from a previous marriage and I have a son from a previous relationship. We had talked about having more kids and he always said that he wouldn't mind, he loves kids and being a dad. We ended up going through ICSI IVF (as he had had a vasectomy) which was successful on the first cycle. He was great throughout and made sure I was okay even ringing the nurses at the clinic when I was having an emotional blow-out to make sure it was "normal".

While he's been great in buying things (he found the cot and the pram) he doesn't mention the baby at all. It feels like he's trying to shut out the fact that I'm pregnant. It's little things, like avoiding touching my belly that hurt the most. People ask have we thought about names and I say oh that's something we are keeping to ourselves. The truth is we don't discuss it at all. He's away with work at the moment and I try to talk to him about the baby, that I've felt it move or something like that and I don't get a response. I feel like I've forced him into something he didn't really want and he's just trying to be as supportive as he can.

My other (possibly most irrational) fear is that he's already witnessed his first child being born (and his second and third - who sadly passed away as a baby) and isn't excited because he's been through it all before.

So there it is... possibly the ravings of a hormonal pregnant woman... I had to tell someone and can't bring myself to discuss it with someone close to me for fear of them judging him.

[STARRYSKY]

hi there, while reading your post, it bought back a lot of memories from my pregnancy, our circumstances are very different and I was wondering if I should reply when I got to the part where you mentioned his 3rd child had passed as a baby.
I had a missed MC with my first pregnancy which understandably was devastating to dp and I, I didnt think it affected dp so much until I was pregnat with Jacob. He didnt want to bond with my bump, was completely dis interested in the pregnancy as a whole, refused to discuss names or buy things. He wouldnt have evn let me tell people I was pregnant, we did at 16 weeks, but he actually said that he would have felt better not telling anyone till he was born!
Im pretty sure that his behaviour was his only way of coping just in case something went wrong again, he was soooooo excited when I first found out I was PG, and we told everyone very early.
is it possible that your DH is being a bit distant due to the sadness of his last child passing so early ? I dont know the circumstances of course, it just seemed to strike a chord with me.
I hope he comes around eventually, my dp did, the minute our son was born.
xx

[Cass72]

Thank you so much for your reply. That had crossed my mind about him losing a baby (she was only around 6 months old) as his previous marriage pretty much went downhill at a rapid rate after that (there were other factors, this just added to it). It's just hard to get men to open up sometimes I guess.

[Ginger]

hi cass
my dh showed no interest whatsoever in either of my pregnancies. he never wanted to touch my belly or see them kick. he never wanted to come to ultrasound appointments and had to be pushed into talking about names. for him, it's like the baby isn't here until it's literally here. which i find really strange, but that's the way he works. once the boys have been born, he is absolutely awesome and loves them to bits- he's just not that interested in the actual pregnancy for some reason. i don't really understand it, but just thought it might help you to hear it.

[Cass72]

Thanks Ginger. It does help. Maybe he's just normal and I'm over-reacting!

[berrme]

My DH sounds a bit like Ginger's. Not quite as distant, but never seemed as excited as I thought he shoud about movements etc. He adores his boys though, and has told me he wants another, so I guess it is just his way.
I am sure your DH will love this child just as much as his others. Try not to worry.

[Stevie]

hi cass
my dh showed no interest whatsoever in either of my pregnancies. he never wanted to touch my belly or see them kick. he never wanted to come to ultrasound appointments and had to be pushed into talking about names. for him, it's like the baby isn't here until it's literally here. which i find really strange, but that's the way he works. once the boys have been born, he is absolutely awesome and loves them to bits- he's just not that interested in the actual pregnancy for some reason. i don't really understand it, but just thought it might help you to hear it.

My dh is very much the same. he is SO supportive, has brought everything that we need and we discussed names, but his theory is she's not "real" until she is born.Up until about 30 weeks, he wasnt interested in touching my belly to feel her move, and would kind of shrug it off whne i would get excited and tell him that i could feel her little foot or whatever.. this was un until one night (think i was about 30-32 weeks) and he was laying with his head on my belly, his ear pressed to my skin, and she was squirming away in there (no more kicks as such as there was limited space LOL) he started to giggle, and he's dit up and try to feel her with his hand and she wouldnt move until he put his head back and started talking to her. Its all becoming very real for him now, but i know he will be a great Dad, but i think with men coz its not happening TO them they dont see it as we do.