do i leave him????

[missheart]

im very confused, i am 26 i have three children 8, 5 and 1 and half, from a previous relationship that i exited because of alcohol abuse and violence, which i was on the recieving end... My new b/f, 21 has been with us for 1 year we have just discovered we are 6 weeks pregnant.. I work part time and love and care for my kids and i am a loving and supportive partner 2 him.. but he smokes dope, he knows how i feel and says he will stop but lies and hides it, im smart i see..i thought that it had ceased but i think now im pregnant hes got me... and that its shut me up... wot do i do????? ive tried for months to get him help, he dosent want it, and im so stressed that something that means so much to me he wont respect? help me...

[MantaRay]

As Nessa says, only you can make the decision. You have lived with a substance abuser before so you have some idea of the pitfalls. I also suspect that your history will probably make you more resentful of the smoking than would otherwise have been the case. Only you know whether it is something you can live with or not. If you can't, if you will end up feeling angry and/or hurt a lot of the time then he has to stop or you have to go IMO. You can't go on with negative feelings all the time, none of you (incl your bf) will be happy and it's not fair on any of you, especially the kids.

Hugs and very best wishes to you. I hope that it all works out for you.

[Ozziehoffy]

What an awful position to be in. It's very hard sometimes, I've been in a relationship with a dope smoker before and I had to be very honest with myself and him. In the end I ended it as I had a problem with the smoking and knew that I always would have a problem with it. He was a lovely person, but his habit was not. I think that once you are talking about what to do that deep down you know and have already made the decision but need verification so to speak from others. Whatever decision you make I'm sure will be right as it sounds like you are thinking very much about your children. All the best with it.

[missheart]

i would like to say thanx 4 every1 who gave me supportxoxo i love him but not the drugs, ive been supportive in attempts to detox, but he goes back on his promises then tries to sneek around xcpt im not silly i know him so well i find the stuff, bong, dope everytime... in my kithchen once, with the mix bowl n bong in hand... he swore over my daughters head he wasent and out in the shed i found it all.... no respect for me or my kids or my belief system.. sometimes to love isnt enough, that is why i am going to finish the relationship, as much as it hurts... i know ive exausted every avenue it was up 2 him and he just dosent want this... hugs not drugs, no amount of yelling, reasoning, support or tears will make him see reason, when i look into his blue eyes now glazed over with this terrible bloodshot redness i feel resentment, and loss... you cant make someone do anything , "lead a horse to water , but you cant make it drink.." thanx ur all gorjus best wishes ....

[joralyd]

what a ceragous woman you are you should be very proud of yourself it takes alot to admit and actually follow through. well done and big hugs :hugs:

[Mother Goose]

Missheart - you are in a very difficult position on a very difficult road. Sadly, noone can make a decision for you and your analogy was spot on - you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
As someone who works in the field of alcohol and other drugs, I can tell you that it is very important you have some support for yourself - whatever decision you make. I am not sure what state you are in but there is an organization in Vic called family drug help. If you google familydrughelp the website should come up. They offer support over the internet as well as in person.

I wish you all the best.

MG