Finding out the sex of your bub? And what happens when you and your partner disagree?

[Indadhanu]

What do you all think? Will you (have you) waited or found it out during pregnancy? And what happens if you and your partner disagree on waiting or knowing?

This is something DP and I talked about a few days ago.

Spontaneous and adventurous as I like to be, I don't want to know until our baby is right here and I can see it. I also think it would be exciting to wonder, and give labor that extra spark.

Logical and prepared and DP likes to be, she would like to know so that we can make sure we get "the right things".

Its interesting that she says that, because I have always seen DP as someone who disregards typical gender roles. And now, she wants to make sure we don't dress our boy in pink (but a girl in blue is ok). I said we could just buy green and yellow if she is so worried about it, but what about the nursery!

So, this is something we'll be discussing more. I have always wanted to wait to find out. And anyway, even if the ultrasound tells us one thing, it could always be wrong.

I stand by my decision to not know. Though I think DP is going to get her way eventually! I've already started relenting - thinking 'well I'm going to be physically experiencing the pregnancy,and maybe this is something important to her...'.

I still want to wait though.

And I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work if she knew and I didn't!

[Trillian]

I can totally understand her wanting to know in advance so she can prepare for the baby with the nursery and everything. I do know couples where only one of them have found out though and the other knows that they know and it seems to work fine for them, but if she is wanting to know so she can start painting, then that ain't going to work for you two is it LOL.

I only time I ever found out what I was having at the u/s was with this pg - all the other my DH wanted to wait and get the surprise - which was great to get the 'it's a boy' etc. So I know but my Dh doesn't know that I know. Sometimes the decision is taken out of your hands entirely though if the baby isn't in a good position to see though.

Could you come to a compromise with her in that she wont go and buy blue/pink paint etc, but can still know. She can still make all her plans for that without actually doing anything.

[LadyRaven]

I wanted to know and was going to know whether Dad2be wanted to or not. When it came to the ultrasound it was a choice of him staying or leaving but he decided he really did want to know. I would have bought blue regardless of gender because I HATE pink but I have been having a lot of stress and panic about bubs and wanted to be able to name him and start talking about him like a real person (because to me he is) so I can connect to him better. If she wants to know and you don't could she find out and keep what she buys at a relatives house or something so it doesnt spoil the suprise? We were going to have everything left at my grandmothers house if Dad2be decided he didn't want to know

[Roryrory]

Leasha, if I were in your position I would find out. Reason I say that was I did want to find out by my DH didn't, but I thought like you 'well I'm going to be physically experiencing the pregnancy,and maybe this is something important to [him]...'. DH wanted the surprise, so I didn't find out cause it meant something to him. I don't think knowing would mean your impending pg would lose any of its spark, and if it is something that you aren't really passionate about, I would say go with what your DP wants. After all, having kids with someone is all about sharing this sort of thing

good luck in deciding what to do

[Indadhanu]

roryrory

Your post made me smile - I had a thought when I read your post. Maybe my DP can find out, and then she can tell me. Since throughout the pregnancy I'll be telling her things that are happening to me, maybe this could be something special that she can share with me. This seems like something I think she would love to do.

It's true, I'm not 100% locked onto the idea of not knowing. Actually, I would love to know, even if it is just to make it all seem so much more real.

And I was going to have a 3D ultrasound, which really means that sort of thing can't hide anyway right

Can't wait to tell her my idea when she gets home this arvo! She'll be wrapped, I can just tell!

[Deltadawn]

DH and I didnt exactly disagree but I wanted to find out (for planning reasons only) but he was very very passionate about NOT finding out so he won!

He has since made a few good points about not finding out. When you go through 8, 10,12 etc hours of labour, most women say that as soon as they find out the sex of bubs, all the pain is forgotten. It also gives you one more suprise to look forward to during labour.

[MamaPan]

Leasha - love your solution, i think that is lovely. tell us how it goes!!

[black_rose]

We are not going to find out and thankfully we both agreed.

As for colour schemes I am not mad keen on pink walls and we figure we will have lots my children so why paint the nursery gender specific anyway. The room would always be a nursery as it is the smallest bedroom in the house. We are going for nuetral walls in cream and browns and adding a circus theme with furnishings.

[Feathertop]

We have found out - I wasn't really bothered, by my husband wanted to know, so we found out. It hasn't really made any difference to our preparations, as we've got mostly gender neutral clothing anyway (only a couple of 'special coloured' outfits). As for the room decor, we both hate pastel colours. The walls are cream (we painted them when we moved in) and are staying that way. We've got bedding for the cot and the single bed in two colour schemes - one is white and green, the other is red and blue (the colours of our shared football team). So it's still non-gender specific even though we know!!! Perhaps something like that might work for you in preparing things......

[Ezz]

We are planning to find out, because I want us to start preparing ourselves mentally for the arrival of our bub - as an actual person with a name, not an 'it'. It's not going to matter all that much to preparations though - we are planning to paint the nursery green & I'm not really into pink either (although I will probably buy one or two pink things if it's a girl).

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Oooh, DH wanted to know and I didn't, so we had the surprise! I wanted an incentive to get me through the birth LOL. I had a girl outfit and 2 blue vests ready jic, we went for an animal theme for the nursey - after all, the next bub could be a different gender - and DH was happy with the decision - after all, you get so many clothes when bub is born!

And the year of arguing about a girl name, at least we did that when we had the time, we can just stick with that name next time!

[kungfubecca]

Hi,

My DH didn't have much of a choice either, but then we wern't going to be doing any painting. I didn't care what colour the room was and I don't think bubs will either. Or the bed linnen.

You could try her finding out and not you and then you could make a game of it. You would have to try and work it out fromm the ultrasound. But don't forget even if you find it out it's not 100% accurate

[ej]

We found out with our first pregnancy and was really glad I did. I felt really connected to my little one before it was born. With this pregnancy, we both decided not to find out and have to admit im not as connected (yet) this time around. But I am so looking forward to finding out what it is. I think if we have another baby we wont find out.

Although, at the moment we cant decide on names and DH has said to find out at our next appt (which a scan is scheduled for) to make it easier. LOL. This far then give in, dont think so.

[Jacqui]

For the first two we didn't find out, and were happy with the surprise. DH didnt want me to find out this time, but I was determined I would and I did. Twice now lol.

But even though an ultrasound tells me its a girl, I don't think it will take away from the surprise of first seeing her and who she is. That part thrills me more.
I am wondering more about her size, her hair, and when she will appear....and all the other little mysteries they come with. Knowing she may be a girl, gives me an excuse to squeeze in a couple of pink outfits here and there....hehehe!

I think compromise is the key. I told hubby when I find out, and he was disappointed at first...then he turned around and said "hmmmm...another girl" in a funny tone! My MIL is adamant she doesnt want to know....so I have to hide all the lil pink things hehe!

Goodluck. Jac

[Indadhanu]

Well I told DP about my idea. At first she was a bit hesitant about it, and wanted to share the moment together - either at the scan or at the birth. But I explained my thoughts around it - that it is something exceptionally special that she can share with me rather than me always telling her what is happening throughout the pregnancy - and (as I predicted) she went all soggy and decided that it was a great idea after all. So I think this is what we are going to do.

I'm a bit more excited about finding out now too.

[Dragonbub]

Just wanted to say good luck Alicia!

[PinkPalace]

I didnt mind either way finding out. I think my biggest reason not to find out is having other people know when i wanted it to be a private secret and people always seem to hear somehow.
DH definately DID NOT want to know and so it was too hard for one to know and one not to so we didnt find out.
We have fun though with the ultrasounds and play around with that we THINK we can see.
THis is our first so it didnt really matter and we were having neutral colours anyhow regardless of gender in the nursery. Subsequent births... we will see - DH definately doesnt want to know with any of the babies.
FUnny though because our familys all think we do know and wont believe us when we tell them we dont... not at all.....

[~Kim~]

I didnt mind either way finding out. I think my biggest reason not to find out is having other people know when i wanted it to be a private secret and people always seem to hear somehow.
DH definately DID NOT want to know and so it was too hard for one to know and one not to so we didnt find out.
We have fun though with the ultrasounds and play around with that we THINK we can see.
THis is our first so it didnt really matter and we were having neutral colours anyhow regardless of gender in the nursery. Subsequent births... we will see - DH definately doesnt want to know with any of the babies.
FUnny though because our familys all think we do know and wont believe us when we tell them we dont... not at all.....

OMG that's EXACTLY the same as us. My DH sucks at keeping secrets and I didn't want to know. We painted the nursery before I was pregnant (cos we were painting and I had a great idea) and it's mint green. I never had any trouble with calling it her, though I was convinced it was a boy.
My ILs were also convinced and were trying to get us to tell what name we had picked cos they wanted to know first - no way.