I needed to know. I wasn't concerned at all about what our first was, as we always planned a second, and it was supposed to be a pigeon pair - but I needed to know with DD1 so I could think about names, buy pink or blue baby gear, plan a nursery etc etc... I really wasn't fussed, just wanted to know beforehand so I could prepare, I would hate to have to buy unisex or nothing and then go nuts with shopping and preparations while recovering from birth!
With our second... I NEEDED to know. I had to find out so I could put myself out of my misery - it was SUPPOSED to be a boy but I couldn't keep my hopes up only to have them dashed. And sure enough, at the 20-week scan, DH and I both saw it was a girl before the sonographer even opened her mouth - I burst into tears and DH was devastated. Strangely enough, he recovered from the shock within a week or two and was okay with what we'd been given, I on the other hand needed a good 10-12 weeks after the scan to adjust, come to terms with it and learn to love our second little girl. I could not have gone into the labour ward hoping to have a boy and then been handed a girl.... it would have killed me. I wouldn't have bonded, breastfeeding would have failed, I would have rejected that baby and had a terrible relationship with it, had I left it until birth to find out. I needed so much time to accept it, it had to be done before baby arrived, and I'm very glad that I did find out at 20 weeks because it gave me lots of time to adjust.
I don't expect people who haven't suffered gender disappointment to understand that (and that's why we have a PSG for it), but that's the way I felt it. I can't speak for what I would do if my DH were the one concerned about gender - he wanted a boy but really wasn't fussed either way, as long as s/he was healthy, it was *me* losing sleep and having wild fantasies about terminating and 'trying again' when I found out I wasn't getting a boy.
No matter what happens, your DP will love this child and be a great dad, but in my experience it's better to find out at 20 weeks and use the remaining 20 weeks to get into a better headspace, than to give birth, be unpleasantly surprised and then have to cope with a newborn as well as grappling with disappointment, resentment, anger etc. Good luck.
Reply With Quote
Creator of 
Bookmarks