I agree with bj - there is almost no 100% way of ensuring you don't get pregnant other than abstaining.
From what I am reading in your posts he seems to be thinking about himself and guilting you by saying 'it was all going well, this will affect it' (sorry not the exact words, I'm just really bad at quoting properly) You need to think about yourself and your partnership and it doesn't sound like he is thinking about the both of you. I also think it would be a good think to stay somewhere where you will be supported. There are lots of options and help for single mums. There are lots here who would be able to give you great advise. And staying with a partner who isn't supportive of your pregnancy and baby will be even harder work than it would be if you were single.
I'm sorry things didn't go better. lots of :hugs: in the mean time
I am not thrying to sway your decision but before you told him you seemed pretty adamant that you couldn't have another abortion and now that he has had this reaction it seems you are considering an abortion. I think you should be very careful that the decision you make is what you want to do. Your DP's reaction is very unfair on you! This is a HUGE decision to make and not one you should be harrassed into making. I would suggest you should get some distance from him if you could stay at a good friends house or something if you could talk it through.
I would suggest calling centrelink and having a talk. I am almost positive once you are a certain way through your pregnancy you can get the dole (sorry can't think of the proper name of the payment) but get exemption from looking for work etc then you would be about the get a payment once your baby arrived and also the baby bonus. Also if you ask centrelink I am sure they could put you in contact with other services that would be able to help. Could u live with your mum for a bit if you needes to?
Maybe your dp will come around but if you want to keep this baby and you have an abortion to keep him happy maybe you will end up resenting him. I believe a partner doesn't need to agree with all of your decisions but they do need to support them. Anyway to me when you have sex with someone you are agreeing to the possibility of a baby, doesn't matter if contraception is involved!
Have a looking in the single parenting section, there are so many successful, supportive mums in there that would be able to give you some wonderful advice and support, that would come in handy if you decide to keep your baby and that means doing it on your own
You can go on centrelink payments (newstart allowance) from 6 weeks befor you are due with a doctors certificate.
Then you would be entitled to parenting payment (single or partnered depending on what happens) & family tax benifit after baby is born, as well as baby bonus. Also possibly rent assistance if you are paying rent.
Go have a look at the rate estimator on the centrelink website.
I can only go on what I was getting with the amount of rent I paid 6 years ago, I was getting around $800 a fn on single parenting payment with one baby, paying $175 a week rent. I don't know how much thats changed since, but I know parenting payment has gone up a fair bit since then. Everyone's circumstances are different though.
Last edited by ~clover~; November 26th, 2009 at 01:51 PM.
You have do do what will make YOU happy hun, not him... I really wish you the best, whatever you decide you arent alone and will get heaps of support here
Everyone's given you lots of good advice, I don't have much to add, I guess, other than counselling might be a good idea - just to have someone to talk to face-to-face, who won't judge you and will help you think about your options. I don't blame you for not wanting another abortion. It's such a hard decision to make, let alone when you have all these pregnancy hormones floating around in you!
A pregnancy is quite a long time, long enough for people to get used to things they thought they might never get used to. If you decide to keep the baby, you might find that other people in your life, eg your boyfriend, your mum, end up 'coming round' despite their initial reactions.
I would definetly talk to Centrelink and see what they say.
My reaction was anger at him as it takes two to tango, if HE didn't want children he should have made sure it didn't happen. You did the right thing and took precaution, what did he do except enjoy his part.
I will be thinking of you as you deal with this and know you will make the right decision, for you, when you decide what to do.
I would tell your Mum.
If this was my DD I would be upset but would support her. Yes, it would be a shock but she is still my DD
It sounds like you are in a very hard situation! i agree with what others have been saying, he says 'do you want him to hate you for do this to him' well does her want you to hate him for makeing you do something you dont want to do.
It sounds to me like he is scared, scared that he has been a crap dad to his two other kids (not his fault but by not being alowed to be there) that how can he possibly be a good dad to this kid!
I think that in time he will come around to it, im sure it will be hard though, and im sure it will set your relationship back, maybe reasure him that you will never do what his ex did to him (take the child away and stop him seeing it) im sure that knowing he has two chidren out there somewhere gives him pain every day and the thought of there being a third in the same situation would be heartbreaking for him.
I really hope you manage to make things work for you, and what ever you decide to do, do it for yourself, not becasue your scared or to please others.
Big hugs to you and amoungst all this heart ache....congratulations!
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