I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 27, we have been together for 2 years and after the first month I found out I was pregnant...We decided to have an abortion, a decision I have regretted ever since. And I have now found out that I am 8 weeks pregnant again, this time however, I was taking the pill every day, without fail! So very unexpected! The complicated part of this is my boyfriend already has 2 children from a previous relationship aged 7 and 4 and half...a relationship that ended very badly and his ex has not allowed to see them since it ended, 4 years ago. And she has since had another child. This has been so hard on him and I've always tried to support him through it and have taken our relationship slowly so that he can learn to trust me, as I know he is so scared of the same thing happening again! He wants to find the children, but she has been very difficult and made the situation very hard so that he is scared and apprehensive about going through all the courts, and then there is rebuilding a relationship with his young kids after such a long absence!! He has said to me before that when I got pregnant before, he thought it would be unfair on his other kids for him to have another, when he doesn't fight for them! The last thing I wanted to do, was to throw this in his lap, when we "decided" to have a child, I wanted it to be a happy occasion and now it is going to be one filled with hurt! I would never be able to have another abortion, it has traumatised me and of course I have always wanted to have a child. I know that I am ready, but my boyfriend is not and this is going to crush him!! Things are going so well and he is really beginning to move forward with me in his life and now this is going to turn everything upside down. I don't want to lose him either! I just don't know how to tell him.......
Mmmm that is a toughy but firstly - CONGRATS!!!!!!
I guess all you can do is to tell him. It takes 2 to tango and like you said, you were on the pill. As for an abortion.....it is your body and your choice....do what you feel is right for you...regardless of the decision.
Best to be honest and up front no matter how hard it is (and is probably)going to be. I think he'd rather you be honest with him than hide it from it from him.
Like you said...it takes 2 and he needs to take responsability for his part in this. In the end, the choice is up to you... after all, your the person who is growing a new life inside of you.
Hope it goes well. We are here if you need to chat.
Second: Sit him down and tell him honestly. The same thing happened with me and DH - we were using protection and I found out I was pregnant. His reaction was one of happiness, even though it was a surprise and we really really weren't planning a pregnancy. You never know what is going to happen, but honesty is the best.
Congratulations.
Just be open and honest with him and I think you might be in for a pleasant surprise after he gets over the shock. You have done nothing wrong and these things happen.
All the best
Just wanted to wish you luck. Please be honest. Thats the most important thing. I understand how he feels about it being unfair to his other children, but it also might push him that little bit harder to try & find them.
Its unfair for him to put his whole life on hold at the same time. As much as he needs to get in touch with his kids, he does still need to live.
FWIW DH didn't meet his father til he was 19, & while he felt betrayed that his father didn't want to know him, he feels nothing against his father's other children. They aren't as close as brothers & sister yet, but they are mates for now DH actually went out of his way to find them after not seeing or hearing from any of them in 7 years.
I understand all your feelings too.
Good luck to you both xx
Help! How do I tell my boyfriend I'm pregnant
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